Forgive me

I’ve been wanting to write all day. I said I wouldn’t write about him anymore but I can’t help it. Thoughts have been invading my head all day. They swirl in and out of my consciousness. I can tell you with all honesty that I don’t want to think about him any more. I’m so […]

Clarity in the cold light of day

It is barely 6am. I am sat outside in my Pj’s, a fleece hoodie and my walking boots. I was tired of teetering on the edge of a single air bed, worrying about where my hands were and where his body was in comparison to mine .. I want to tell you that I had […]

Tricks

Just a quick report.. I am at camp whilst the others have gone to the stage for the last song of a great band. I can report that Lost Soul is up to his old tricks: Talking about other women – check Reminiscing about the past – check Reminding me about times we were intimate […]

Camping continued…

A chilly but enjoyable evening was had in site at the festival. Lost Soul did not appear. ☺ Therefore I was able to relax and enjoy my strawberry and cloudy lemonade gin and have a laugh with my sisters and brother in law. I am sat in the sunshine, coffee in hand, listening to the […]

Camping

I’ve just come back from a two night camp with my three children and three other families – my two sisters and their children and another family which are friends. The Great British weather did not fail us. We drove up to Grange over Sands in Cumbria expecting rain but in sunshine. We managed to […]

Puzzle

I have fond memories of jigsaw puzzles. I’m talking about the huge 1500 piece ones of mountains and valleys or rose covered cottages. On a rainy day in a countryside cottage, we would sit together – maybe with a hot chocolate or a cup of tea – and we would sort the pieces. We would […]

Defiant

I will admit it. One day was not quite enough to get my head straight. Yesterday I continued to mope. I defiantly ate chocolate brownies for breakfast (no one is ever going to love me so I may as well eat whatever I want). I didn’t get changed and refused to get in the shower. […]

The purge part 2: Self-indulgence 

I feel emotionally bruised today. I have a head ache, which doesn’t help, but everything is an effort.  Despite this, my head is a little clearer.  I have put myself in this situation. He is probably out there somewhere with no idea of the torment that has been raging.  Four years ago, it was me […]

Purge

There’s a reservoir of tears in my head. The dam is holding steady but the pressure behind my eyes is intense. I want to cry but I can’t. I don’t know if it is my medication or self preservation or just sheer hope, but I cannot cry even though I’m desperate to. I know I’m […]

Fantasy

There have been times when I have been accused of living in literature. Being an English teacher, I suppose this is partly true. I love reading. Reading shaped my career path and showed me ways to be a good mother. It created an interest in previously unknown places.  This is not what my family meant […]