Oh the house is so quiet! For the first time in a while I have not gone back to bed today. So I am sat in a quiet, empty house (for now) enjoying the silence and relative calm. Last week was difficult. Although I think I have said that the new tablet seems to be […]

The seated man

He is taunting me. He sits there, smugly mimicking me with his expressionless, emotionless face. Apart from getting up with my children and then later to check on my dad, I have been in bed all day. I told myself that I was just going back to ‘get warm’ (we have no heating until the […]

Not gone and definitely not forgotten

Depression does this thing to you. It does it very sneakily, cunningly. And although the thing that it does is so obvious, you fall for it every time. It’s depression’s way of showing you it is still master. It disappears. Depending upon your stage of recovery, it can go for a few minutes up to […]

January blues

My doctor has signed me off for a month. Part of me felt relief – I’m not ready to face the world yet. I don’t feel like me. I told the doctor that I feel like I have lost myself somewhere: my strength and positivity. I don’t recognise myself. Another part of me wilted when […]

Boys will be boys

I’ve not ventured out much since my ‘breakdown’ (I need to come up with a nickname for him – it is definitely a him- because ‘breakdown’ is a painful reminder somehow. ). I don’t want to see people I know and to have to explain or answer questions, even well-meaning ones. I’ve managed a few […]

This time, next year

Dear 2018, So, you’ve finally arrived! There have been times this year when I couldn’t wait for you to get here. Other times I pretty much wanted the world to slow so I could catch my breath. Either way, I’m glad you’re here now. 2017 actually ended the way I would want. My children were […]

Merry Christmas

May the light of Christmas and the love of those around you swell your heart, mend the fissures and shrink the darkness around you. Happy Christmas everyone xx


After braving late night Christmas shopping at Asda (we could actually park which is a bonus!) I came home and unpacked and sent my children off to bed. My daughter had been watching “Bridget Jones’ Diary” and after crossing off items from my list in a most satisfying way, I watched the second half of […]


It could have been the emotional upheaval of airing my anxieties in counselling, or the coffee I had after dinner but either way I was still awake at 4am. At one point I was in that magical state between consciousness and sleep: my body fully relaxed, my mind awake but focusing inward and on the […]