Where do I begin? I suppose the place to begin is with the end.
Today I ended my marriage.
Overwhelmingly, I feel sad. A deep, dark sadness that weighs down my spirit. What else can I feel after a thirteen year relationship? After we brought three beautiful children into the world and created our family? With so many happy memories of family days out, birthdays, Christmases, holidays…
I don’t hate my husband. I don’t want to hurt him or make his life difficult. I am not angry with him – not even frustrated any more. And I suppose that is the problem; for our marriage anyway. That’s how I know I have made the right decision because it has not been made with anger or bitterness or resentment. I have made it because I truly believe it is the right decision for all of us.
I cried as he cried. This man has supported me through the death of family members, through anxieties about work, through insecurities about myself. He has loved me despite my weight, my temper and my inability to put the dirty washing in the basket. He has always believed in me. And today I have taken his world away from him. I take no pleasure in his pain; no matter his wrong-doings.
Because, of course, there were problems. But I respect and care for him enough not to intentionally publish them in this blog, no matter how anonymous. All that I will say, for anyone who is wondering, is that the time has come where I cannot stand anymore arguing. There is nothing left to say.
So, this blog is not about him or us.
It is about me. A thirty-six year old mother of three children who is now separated from her husband.
Us to me.