It’s a beautiful world

Derwentwater in Keswick

The Lake District actually depressed me today. 

My,  is it beautiful. I stood at the lake’s edge and tried to trace every hill top, tree top and Valley. I squinted at the glimpses of houses tucked in here and there, and sent them friendly but envious thoughts. 

And then I shut my eyes and breathed in. I focused on the sounds of the water and the ducks as they splashed and quacked. 

My mind wandered. 

I wish I lived here. I wonder if there are any teaching jobs up here. I wonder if the children would like to move up here. What would my ex say? What if I bought a B&B? I could run a B&B. OK, housework is not my thing but I’d make one hell of a breakfast. I could invite foreign students over and teach them English.  I could…

 No, I couldnt. I couldn’t leave my dad and sisters. I couldn’t afford a B&B. And I would feel bad taking our children away from my ex. 

Maybe I could marry a sexy farmer… STOP IT! 

Like my other road trips, I had a lovely day today. We walked, we explored. I saw beautiful, awe-inspiring places. The weather was amazing. And yet I felt a tinge of something. Something dark. Something sad. I’m not sure what was causing it.

 A high contender is work. My week’s holiday is over so I’m back in school tomorrow. I used to love my job. Every day I would wake up and happily go to work. I thrived on the challenge, I enjoyed working through the pressure. A lot has changed since then. I’m in a role I didn’t really want and I have not been in it long enough to see my work have good impact. It’s a stressful role and out of my comfort zone.  The British education system has changed dramatically in recent years and not for the better. 

I still get joy from my career though – being in the classroom is still one of my favourite places. It’s just a shame that I am now spending less and less time in there. 

My friend noticed my mood which made me feel bad. I tried to lift myself out of it. In the afternoon we went to Wordsworth’s house in Cockermouth. It’s a beautiful Georgian house and garden and as usual, the National Trust has presented it interestingly. Cockermouth itself was a quaint little place but disappointingly most of it was closed today. 

On the way out of Keswick is a stone circle which is also a part of the National Trust. Again, a stunning place – so mystical – with spectacular views. My spirits had lifted a little by this point. How couldn’t they with views like this? And all this is a couple of hours away. 

I know I’m lucky. I also know that, like everyone else’s , my life isn’t perfect. But it is my life and I’ve got to make the most of it. I’m fighting my depression, I’m fighting my weight, I’m fighting my way through a stressful job. And when I’m not fighting, I’m going to do my best to enjoy. 😊. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s