Somebody once said to me that confusion is a good thing. He said it is the state that our mind is in when it is working something out. It means it hasn’t given up. It means it isn’t too difficult. Just challenging enough for our brain to process and grow and learn as it works out a solution.
When I have a job interview, or maybe when I need to present something difficult in an interesting way, I go into this strange mood or mind state. I feel on edge somehow: I can’t sit still as my mind, almost anxiously, whirrs and explores until it final rests upon a speck of an idea. It’s like that little noise a computer makes when it is processing something.
I realised recently that I feel in a similar way when I’m binge eating. I know I comfort eat. So it figures that when my mind can’t find solutions to a problem, it turns to the comfort of food for solace.
(Except there is no solace. A momentary hit of endorphins is replaced by an ever growing need to numb the emotions that are taking control. Food doesn’t work and yet almost mechanically, the search continues. Guilt just fires the need.)
Recently, I have felt that ‘processing’ as I have tried to work out what to do next about my weight. I am thoroughly ashamed to say that I have put on a stone since March. My hard earned weight loss is slowly slipping away. My clothes are tight and this only serves to irritate me further. I have tried so many diets. From the well known to the absolutely odd – and I have lost weight so many times. Only to put it back on and more after a period of time. The last few weeks I have searched the Web for a glimmer of hope, only to find the same old.
I have discussed before how I feel that weightloss has a lot to do with your frame of mind. See me post on this here: http://wp.me/s86hNl-trying. In effect, if your mind is in the right place, any diet will work at least for a period of time. And yet I also believe that to maintain that loss, it is essential to find an eating plan that suits the consumer: a programme of eating that suits the unique tastes and moods of the individual. In my mind, slimmer people are better at managing their consumption of food, either because from childhood they have been brought up to fuel their bodies in a way that suits them or because as adults they have found the diet that suits them.
I haven’t. I can’t tell you the frustration of being an reasonably intelligent woman, who knows she needs to eat less to lose weight but just can’t. Or, can’t long enough to maintain weight loss.
I have been inspired by fellow blogger recovering carbie who has lost over 100lbs in seven months by following her own eating plan. She talks about how she has created a way of life that is working for her. Similar to Back in Stilettos, both women successfully use exercise regularly to stay in shape and have found an exercise regime that also works for them.
Walking in beautiful places has been revolutionary to my state of mind and for my perception of exercise. I am loving walking and feeling my body respond to the exercise. It’s just a shame that this has coincided with a hefty weight gain. But I need to build on this new found passion and create a pathway to lasting success.
So, back to the mind-whirring search for a plan that will change my bad eating habits in a way that is manageable and sustainable… The mind cleared and the glimmer of a solution appeared. I figure that I need to create a bespoke eating plan that works for me. I can use the knowledge I have gained from nearly 20 years of partially successful weight loss and the failure of weight gain. It will take some time. Some trial and error. But the point is that I try. I cannot keep giving up and then wholeheartedly commiserating my failure by eating. I’ve got to evaluate, assess, tweak. These are skills that I use every day at work. I can do this. I can.
So today I have been steadily planning and evolving my plan. Tomorrow I will clear out cupboards and shop for a better way of eating. I will not only face my fears head on, I will fight them. I can overcome this. I can learn to love food whilst loving myself and living life to the fullest. I will keep you updated. Wish me luck!