Yes it can happen. Honestly. I have officially gone back in time by five years.
The thoughts, the feelings and the anxiety/nervousness in the pit of my stomach – they’re back again. How utterly ridiculous. I am so annoyed with myself for allowing this to happen.
I willed for him to come here tonight. My mind frantically searched for a way to make it happen – but without anyone knowing I wanted it of course.
Let me give you some more information.
Tonight I had invited my two sisters and their husbands around for a meal and a few drinks. We get together every so often and we really enjoy it. Of course, post-intimacy me wanted him there too. It would be like the old days.
It just so happened that my brother in law was offered some over time. It also just so happened that Lost Soul text my sister to ask what they were both doing…
For moment, just a moment, there was a chance that he would come too. I can’t tell you how that felt other than tell you it was the same as how I felt all those years ago.
I can’t tell you why he didn’t come – my brother in law didn’t come either as he offered to babysit so my sister could drink. Part of me wonders whether he was avoiding me. If that is the case then he either has had his fill or he is still playing his games. Either way – and even if he has an absolute air tight reason for not coming – I realised quickly that I had descended back into looney-ville and it needed to stop. This is absolutely ridiculous. As many if us girls know, a few moments of intimacy do not a boyfriend make. Move on girl, move on.
And if you want a soundtrack that goes with this last week, listen in this order:
“Beautiful Disaster” – Kelly Clarkson
“Attention” – Charlie Puth
“Jar of Hearts” – Christina Perri