On the cusp

In exactly 15 hours, my summer holiday begins. 

I am absolutely and thoroughly exhausted. In the past year I have supported my dad through cancer and radiotherapy, separated from my husband, got a promotion and have suffered from anxiety and depression. I have worked full time and have looked after my three children and my dad. It’s not surprising that I feel this way. 

For me, the Summer holidays do not signal the end of the year so much as the beginning. It’s a reset time. I recuperate and rest. I go on trips with my children. I visit family. I clean, tidy, sort and decorate. I also get a head start for September by completing planning and prepare myself for results days. 

It’s a strange feeling going into the holidays as a single person. Although my ex didn’t have much time off over the summer, we still worked around his shifts when planning what to do. The last time I was single/separated, I was at the beginning of my flirtationship with Lost Soul. The summer was an exciting prospect as I hoped that I would have some time getting to know and getting closer to him. Not the case this time. I suspect our paths will cross but I’ve got to be strong and realistic. 

There is also a time over the holidays when my ex has two weeks off. Not having a house (don’t ask) or the money to take them away, I’m not sure how having the children will factor in. I have said that I will visit my mum for a few days and will have some days out with friends so he can spend some time with them here. I wish I could afford to go abroad for a week but I can’t and I have no one to go with either. 

And so – please don’t think I am ungrateful – I have a little trepidation thinking about the weeks stretching ahead. All part of carving this life I want for my children and I, I suppose. 

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