OK, as I’m sure that anyone who has been reading my blog has realised, I’m not over Lost Soul. At all. Maybe a little bit. Certainly better than I was four years ago. But not as much as I was two months ago.
I’m trying, I am really, really trying- I promise you. But I can’t help thinking about him. No one has ever made me feel like he has. He told me the same.
Today’s bout of self-indulgent madness is not my fault. Last night I went to my friend’s. They knew about our little romantic interlude a few weeks ago. One of them asking if I had seen him since.
I had of course, on my daughter’s birthday. One of my friends had come to pick her daughter up and had actually met him briefly although she hadn’t realised it at the time.
First thing she said was that he was attractive. I KNOW!!! 😔. She also said that she thought it was someone I didn’t know/get on with as she said I had been a little ‘short’ with him. The pair of them laughed for a while at my occasional lapse into ‘teacher face’ and how scary it was…
Anyway. I explained that I was trying to play it cool and not show him how much I want him and need him and want to kiss him and cuddle him and gaze into his eyes and hold his hand and all the other sexy stuff.. (I know I sound ridiculous but work with me, please).
They both decided that I was playing it too cool. That if what they had seen or heard was anything to go by, he would have no idea how I felt.
I then explained that he knew four years ago.
They started laughing. “That was four years ago! You’ve got to just talk to him about how you feel!”
But I just can’t. I can’t be rejected again, I can’t.
And so, I am back in this state of nervous anticipation, wondering when I will see him again and how I will manage to show him how I still feel, how I have felt since I met him, without making an absolute fool of myself.
Because a part of me still thinks that if he wanted me, he would have let me know.
Any advice gratefully received.