Although I only published ‘Green Goddess’ this morning, I actually wrote it a few days ago.

What a difference a few days make.

Today, I just want to hide away. I could quite happily sit on the couch, wrap myself in a duvet and ignore the world. I feel exhausted. I don’t want to do anything. I have a pile of washing which I should be doing: it is warm and windy outside. I just want to sleep.

My determination to walk and lose weight is still there but I feel huge at the moment. I’ve caught sight of a photograph and a video clip taken recently. I look so much bigger than I thought and felt. Add this on to my new theory that my weight is the real reason for the stalemate with Lost Soul and you’ve got a whole lot of self hatred going on.

I feel like the British weather at the moment: days of glorious sunshine followed quickly by heavy showers and thunderstorms.

It’s times like these I need to motivate myself – start with a small task which will then hopefully change my mood enough to carry me with the momentum to happiness again.

People keep mentioning work and how fast the holidays are going. “SHUT UP FOR GOODNESS SAKE! I don’t want or need to think about it! Just let me enjoy my holiday without regular reminders of how long I have left!!” I don’t say this of course but it plays in my head loud and clear.

Sorry for the miserable blog post. Sometimes you just have to.

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