Intimacy: part one

I dragged myself out of bed on Saturday. I’d had a good week: another successful camping trip to a beautiful spot in Morecambe Bay:

Waking up to views of sea, sand and mountains is pretty unbeatable.

We came home Friday and that evening I went to the wedding reception of a good friend. It was good to see him happy.

Saturday morning was hellish though. Added to that, I knew that I needed to go to Marks and Spencers to pick up the uniform I had ordered. I hate going to any shop on a Saturday but needs must.

Whilst there, I picked up two bottles of fizz, cards and bottles bags: one for my sister for her good exam results and one for Lost Soul.

I’ve debated this all week. I’ve not heard from him since the beginning of August and our one way talk. He has just completed his degree (as a ‘mature’ student of 30). He once told me that I was instrumental in encouraging him to go to uni. I am proud of him. I wanted to show that.

But, I am fully aware that this could be perceived in so many other ways. I decided that it is what a friend would do and that is what we said we were.

I decided that I would drop it off on the way home and as I had my youngest in the car I would be able to decline an invitation in the house. Job done.

Problem was, I had no pen. A quick detour home was needed…

Those of a romantic nature would call it fate. Others, coincidence. But, yes, his car was parked on my drive.

He hasn’t been to my house since July and that was to see my sister and brother in law who were there at the time. He hasn’t been to my house to see me for about five years.

I was actually shaking as I walked in to the house and through to my dad’s living room where Lost Soul was.

I made him coffee, we all chatted, he was very surprised and pleased with his bubbles and then I went back into my house to put away my shopping.

He soon followed.

He asked if I fancied sharing the wine with him and suggested that he brought his new Xbox round to play like the old times. We had once had an amazing night on the kinect where I have never laughed and sweated so much in my whole life. He brought this up too as a good memory for him.

I agreed but was conscious that I had friends over that evening.

He went home and came back quickly with his Xbox. He made a big fuss of my ten year old son and they played together for most of the afternoon.

I may have had a poker face but I was a pool of madness underneath. I know this was just friendly but the reference to the past and the memory of a time when we had been very intimate threw me. Before long, I suggested to invite my brother in law and nephew – I couldn’t do this alone with him and I figured there was safety in numbers.

In my head I was wondering what I was going to do later when my friends came over. As I had already invited my sisters too, I decided that it was no real problem to have the men there too.

The evening went off well enough. The wine flowed, the take away was good and I can’t pretend that I wasn’t interested in what my friends would think of Lost Soul. In company, he can be quite brash and loud almost and I could see that he wasn’t to the taste of one of my friends. When he left the room she told me he was ‘beneath me’ and I deserved better. She also said she could see we had things in common but didn’t understand why we hadn’t had sex. My best friend declined to comment. I should have realised that wasn’t a good thing.

When my sister and b.i.l decided to leave, I fully expected him to go too – he lives near them and my sister was driving – but he didn’t. He also didn’t leave when my friends left.

Soon it was just me and him.

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