Hurting and flirting

I didn’t know he would be there.

I turned up at my sister’s house to pick up my son after another great day out with my friend walking. I shouted hello up the stairs and then he appeared. I was startled. Why does he have this effect on me? Lost Soul was warm and friendly. It’s so hard not to melt in that attention.

Ironically, my sister had already set off for my house so I left for home.

My sister and I chatted about our day and decided that we would have a catch up: she would go home and my nephew to bed and I would put my youngest to bed and prepare us some tea before picking her and our other sister up. Nice food and drinks with my sisters with no children – has to be done.

45 minutes later and I was in my way. All the way there I as battling with myself. As I’ve said recently, I can’t trust myself to act naturally with him.

So, I was friendly-distant. As in, I’m happy to see him but then try to ignore him. He came over and hugged me and then suggested that we all stayed with him and my b.i.l. instead. I reminded him of my children at home (under the care of my father at that point). He seemed disappointed and commented that they would be fine with my dad. I said not.

On the way out, the men followed us so they could smoke outside. He asked me if I was ok. I said, “yes, fine”. He said that I wasmt acting myself. He hugged me again and my sister and I left.

My mind raced as always. I always think I am playing it cool – not showing my feelings but being friendly and interested. It appears I fail every time. Maybe I can be myself around him – to a certain extent – when we are alone, because I don’t have to hide everything I feel when no one else is there.

I had a great night with my sisters. We had nice food – chicken salad wraps – good wine and we laughed, chatted and played cards.

But I couldn’t help myself. I sensed an opportunity to test out my flirtation theory now that I have his number. I took a picture of our little party and messaged him saying our party was better than there’s. Childish I know, but I knew it would get him to reply. He did and there was witty banter for a while. I enjoyed it. He again suggested that we came over but I again declined – my kids come first.

A little while later my brother in law called to speak to my sister. She spoke with him for a while before handing me the phone as Lost Soul wanting to speak to me. My soul soared.

It was a brief chat but it made me feel good. The call ended soon after and before long my sisters were on the way home.

I can’t stay away. I can’t make myself not love him. And I know he loves me, in some way. I know that he feels some of what I feel. And that’s why it hurts so much.

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