Frozen.

Bad day today.

My kids’ dad was off today so offered to take them to school. So, I woke up and got the kids up then when I heard his car, went back to bed.

I woke a couple of times but despite an intention to get up, fell back to sleep. It was 11.30 – yes, you read right – until I got up.

I went downstairs, made some breakfast then just sat.

It’s hard to describe this mental state but frozen goes some way to describe it. I just sat and occasionally I would turn to look at the clock, willing myself to shower and do this, that or the other. I didn’t do anything. Sure, the TV was on but I wasn’t taking it in. A pervading numbness had taken over. It’s not…. relaxation or in any way relaxing. It’s not consciously done. You just are. You feel like something inside you has been switched off. You’re still in there, somewhere, but hidden behind this frozen facade. There’s things that you want to do or need to do but you just can’t. You can’t make yourself do anything. You’re just frozen.