21

After braving late night Christmas shopping at Asda (we could actually park which is a bonus!) I came home and unpacked and sent my children off to bed.

My daughter had been watching “Bridget Jones’ Diary” and after crossing off items from my list in a most satisfying way, I watched the second half of the film.

I love this film. I’ve not watched it in such a long time. Colin Firth is just dreamy and Hugh Grant is great as the slime-ball seducer.

The film brings back so many memories for me. I was 21 when the film was released. I had just bought a brand new computer (my uni lecturer had not been impressed with my second hand word-processor) and had treated myself to some DVD’s. I can’t remember exactly but these DVD’s were of some significance – maybe they were the first ones I had bought myself (??) as I can’t believe they were the first I had owned. It seems funny now as many people are getting rid of DVD’s now in exchange for digital versions. Anyway, I would sit in my tiny boxroom and watch Bridget Jones on my new desktop. I’d get so excited every time I watched it: laughing, hoping and stomach turning. Of course I was totally in love with Mark Darcy (character and actor) and just reveled in the idea that opposites could attract – there was hope for me yet!

My favourite part is the end where they finally kiss in the snow. Ah, it is so magical. Love it..

I was in a good place back then. I was in the second year of my degree which I was absolutely loving. I had lost loads of weight and was slim for the first time in my life. I had got rid of an absolute arse of a boyfriend who had sucked every bit of confidence and happiness out of me in 2000 and I had finally realised that I was so much better without him. I had met a new best friend and we were having great fun. I had a job and money. I was happy. Actually happy.

I wasn’t short of male attention but couldn’t find someone decent long term. I didn’t care though and decided to focus on my career and eventually my own place. I was going to move away and start afresh with this new found confidence and happiness.

Two years later and I had met my husband to be. And here I am.

I suppose in my current mindset it would be easy to talk of regret. But I don’t have any. Sure, I’m separated, fat and depressed but I have three beautiful children, my own home and a career. 😊

I do want that feeling again though. Not being 21 again, just that feeling that all is well with the world. Happy. It’s sad to say, but I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy- fleeting moments, yes, but not all encompassing happiness. Perhaps 2018 is the year that I regain it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s