The good, the bad and the inbetween

Hope you have all had a lovely Christmas – I know I have. 😊

My sister and brother-in-law and my gorgeous nearly-two nephew came to stay for a few nights. We had such a great time and I have laughed so much. My sisters’ commented that they had not heard me laugh I’m such a long time and that it was good to see and hear. I definitely don’t laugh enough. We played board games, watched films and sampled flavoured gin. Such fun.

As expected from the increased medication (and Christmas!), I have put more weight on and am also suffering from water retention in my hands and feet, another side effect of Mirtazapine, the anti-depressant that I am taking.

No-one likes to put weight on, I know that. I’m not vain but I can’t tell you how much this is getting to me. My self-esteem is fragile at the best of times but it is at rock bottom at the moment. I am seriously considering going back to the doctors to get my medication changed. When I had postnatal depression in 2014, I took sertraline which worked well for the short time I was on it. The downside is that I won’t get the help with the insomnia but the way I see it, my feelings about my size are not helping my wellbeing so this has got to help. I’ve actually ordered new clothes as I know my work clothes aren’t going to fit. I don’t want anyone to see me like this.

Other than that, I am starting to feel better. I feel like the dark cloud is all around my head rather than encompassing all of me. I’m anxious about work but more about how I will face people than the work itself.

So, for the next few days I’m going to do some much needed housework and prepare for my son’s eleventh birthday on New Year’s Eve. Progress then – no more sitting in a stupor on the couch for me.

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