Tomorrow stretches out in front of me. It is filled with promise and potential and possibilities. It is also shrouded in doubt and fear and anxiety.
Other than a few trips to the shops or Drs, I haven’t really been out of the house. My GP recommended walking: I haven’t done it. Loved ones are now encouraging me to get out of the house.
That’s not to say that my days are lonely or isolating. Far from it. If anything, I crave solitude as much as I fear it. I actually considered going away for a couple of days alone. Somewhere beautiful. Somewhere I can write in my journal and think. It hasn’t happened and will not happen for a number of reasons. Tomorrow feels similar.
I have an opportunity tomorrow to get out for the day, alone. I’ve spent the past few hours playing on Google, looking at train journeys and weather reports. Should I go up to the Lakes by train? Should I go to an Art gallery? A National Trust property?
I don’t want to drive a long way on my own, not with the current weather conditions. But not sure I fancy the train either. Oddly, I’ve not travelled on my own any significant distance for many years. I usually have at least one child in the car. My anxiety gnaws away at my resolve.. It’s leaving an uncomfortable feeling inside that I don’t know what to do with.