Although I’m only due back into work tomorrow, I went in today for a couple of hours and I’ve not long been home.

Tomorrow I was supposed to be in all day but due to my one hour early dart on Monday, we have decided that I will leave at lunch tomorrow too (1.30pm instead of 3.15pm.)

I decided to go in today for a couple of reasons. First, because I needed to keep up that momentum and this was easy to face as I was in control. Second so I could fully prepare for tomorrow. Thirdly to show willing. Yes, I got a bit freaked out on my first day back but I really am trying.

My boss requested a meeting this morning to catch up and discuss how the first day had gone. I was honest. I told them it was harder than I thought it would be and explained why. I also discussed some issues hat had been playing on my mind. They were understanding. They reiterated that my wellbeing was paramount. And, in hindsight I have realised, they have said they think I am rushing my return.

Not so much that I shouldn’t be back (although that question has been asked) but that we are rushing the phasing. We are going to review in a week’s time.

As you can imagine, I’ve been deep in thought even since. First is the fear that they think you’re still ill (am I missing something they are seeing). Then you question what you’ve told them and said. Then… Are they right? Am I putting too much pressure on myself?

I just want to be back in work as normal.

Part of the originally planned phasing has altered to be fair. My first week was supposed to be about just going in for teaching which meant a few half days. It didn’t happen due to them needing to change my timetable in my absence so that all my teaching is now on two full days. Throw in a snow day and the first week was a bust – I didn’t go in. This week was supposed to be me in all the time but catching up on administrative duties but due to the timetable this ended up being a planned two day teaching week. Sound good? It isn’t. Too much on a day for a first return and those days off in between are not really getting me used to going back in.

So yes, in a way the phased return has been condensed. I’m eager to get back to normal and have high expectations of myself. But I’m being advised by so many people not to rush it.

This could mean that I don’t go back to full duties for a while instead of on the 9th April as planned.

I just want to feel normal! I just want to get on with my job and my role and have the impact that I have always had.

But I don’t want to be ill again.

Anyone got on advice or experience of phased returns?


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