A lump in my throat and a damn in my eyes. I carry the pain in my chest. It heightens my nerves, my anxiety.
I bustle on – room to room, job to job. I exist on coffee and adrenaline, searching for a cure. Nothing helps.
So I give in.
I sit alone in the room. I search for it. Hit play. Close my eyes.
As the music starts I see him. I can feel his hand in mine, rough from years of farm work. I can feel the stubble on his cheek as I kiss him, saying “I love you Dad.”
The tears arrive finally. My eyes stay screwed shut and I make myself go there, to the time I said goodbye.
Grief overwhelms me but I feel its sweet release.
And then, just as it becomes too much… the memories too sharp, too focused, too painful… The song ends.
I breathe. I wipe the tears from my face. I stand up and carry on living.
You’re just a thought away Dad. Just a memory away. Xxxx