Idiocy

I’m never going to learn.

Today, I had the very uncomfortable situation of my teenage daughter walking in to the room as I was talking about Lost Soul to my brother-in-law.

She heard my comments about his flirting and my need to “get over him once and for all”, (yes, that old chestnut).

Since the night a few weeks ago where he made some blatantly obvious statements intended to get my head in a frenzy, I’ve seen him once more where he retreated again. Same old, same old. What is wrong with me?

Whilst acknowledging how good we would be together, my bro-in-law agreed that I need to move on. He said that it was highly likely that Lost Soul’s current relationship wouldn’t work based upon things he has said and past experiences, but that there was no point waiting around.

I was dumbstruck when my daughter walked in. How stupid of me to discuss this when she was at home. How ridiculous of me to fall, yet again, for his childish games. NOTHING HAS CHANGED in eight years.

Lost Soul replied to my generic ‘Happy New Year’ message with general chit-chat. Commenting upon his early night last night he stated that, “we had the boys.” And that, my friends, says it all.

I spoke with my daughter about what she had overheard. I was honest. There was a past between us, nothing serious. We get on well, he flirts, and his flirting makes me feel worthwhile (pathetic, yes?). I told her how much I care for her Dad but that we had been unhappy for a long time. I said that despite being separated from him for over 2 years, I wasn’t entirely ready to date but that I didn’t want to spend my life alone.

She was surprising understanding but not surprisingly, mature.

What she did say, is that she didn’t like Lost Soul. She said I could do a lot better than him.

I truly believe this to be my daughter’s honesty and that says a lot. Not that it appears that anything was going to happen anyway, but now it can’t. I also remembered, as I later thought it through, that my Dad wasn’t wonderfully keen on him either.

What was I thinking?

2019, if I can only have one thing this year, please help me to end this idiodic behaviour once and for all.

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