Mrs Hiddleston

Don’t think me presumptuous Tom. It was merely a way to catch your attention.

Thing is, I’ve been thinking, and I’ve realised that I really am the perfect woman for you.

And, because I’m not a stalker and you’re an intelligent man, I thought I’d just explain my thinking and then leave it to you.

First of all, there’s the obvious things. We are both a similar age. We are both English and yet have that lovely contrast of the north and south divide… So similar and yet excitingly different.

Of course, we have other things in common. As a teacher, I love classic texts and with your experience in Elizabethan plays – perfect. Add then to my love of action films and – dare I say it – the way that I am drawn to ‘bad boys’ well, your role in Thor just adds to our symmetry.

I hope you don’t mind but I am, ehm, aware of some of your past girlfriends. I just wanted to be sure, you know, just to see if I could be your type. I can sing, if that’s any help? Unfortunately, I’m not aesthetically similar to your past girlfriends but maybe a change is what you need? The beauty of a cuddly, mother of three is that I have the domestic skills down to a fine art whilst being absolutely desperate for intimacy with, well, you.

And no, I don’t care about your fame. Not one bit. Whilst I love your artistic talents (I think you’d make an AMAZING Bond or Darcy by the way – other favourites of mine) I am more than happy to stay in the shadows. I want you all to myself and do not crave the attention of anyone but you.

Equally, I know how busy you get when you’re filming and that’s OK too. I’m a busy working mum – imagine how wonderful it will be for us to both withdraw from those worlds to be together for a little while.. Bliss.

And whilst I might not have the look you alwstd go for, I am very happy to state that you absolutely have the look I go for. And I love your voice. Loads of positives there then.

May be, just may be, I’m what you’re looking for?

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