Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

I’m so tired.

As I discussed in my last post, last week was very much about me trying to prove myself again at work. I put the hours in both at school and at night, often working until 11.30pm. What then resulted, as I’m sure you could have guessed, is my computer- screen-fried brain then couldn’t relax into sleep despite my complete exhaustion.

With no humour at all in my voice, I can completely understand why someone might be drawn to alcohol.

I dread going to bed. I lie there and the weight of my world lies on me. Thoughts of Dad have been prominent, as have my concerns about work. Tomorrow would have been Dad’s 79th birthday.

I can hear him asking if I’d like some help carrying his present in, or if I’d need a wheelbarrow as it would be so big. He’d want no fuss but wouldn’t be happy unless we were all around him with a nice chocolate cake to finish off the evening.

I’m so sad. All I want it is a hug off my daddy.

Tomorrow’s don’t seem to be getting any easier at the moment. For every day that I feel that I’ve got through or worked hard or been successful in, there are far too many more where I am fearful or griefstricken or anxious.

I’m not sure what else to write.

It’s been too long since I’ve seen him, but it’s been no time at all. Tomorrows stretch on and on and there’s no chance that I will ever see him again. How do you get over that? I still don’t have any answers.

I’m told it gets easier. It isn’t. Not today anyway. Not tomorrow either.

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