We walk home together. He talks to me, honestly.

He likes that I fancy him.

He likes our flirting.

He’s scared that if we did anything, that would all change. It would create feelings.

He wants to have sex with me, has wondered what it would be like, but doesn’t want awkwardness. That’s why he pulls away.

He doesn’t want to change what we have.

Later, he admits that he doesn’t call or text because he’s frightened.

And then he’s with me and we are at my home. If I just let myself go I could be with him but I can’t. We cuddle. We talk. He tells me to stop looking at him with ‘those dreamy eyes’, that he’s no good for me but can’t say why.

We cuddle more.

I call him a taxi even though I don’t want him to go. I don’t tell him that I don’t want him to go. I want to kiss him but I’m scared. The phone rings and he goes outside to wave down the taxi. Then he comes back to the door to hug me goodbye. And he kisses me, properly. He smiles and says goodbye and I kick myself for not being braver and he drives away.

Not strong at all.


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