Still thinking…

About ten minutes ago I received a text from Lost Soul thanking me for dropping off his things and ending with “I didn’t know you had been”.

Is that just to explain why he hadn’t text earlier? Or a comment that I hadn’t seen him when I dropped it off?

I of course hope it was the latter.

I replied that it was no problem but his dad looked busy and I didn’t want to disturb him.

Nothing since. And he’s read it. Bit of a full stop on the conversation, eh?

I should have asked about his car or his nephews or something. But I can’t send anything else now because too much time has passed. Trust him to also reply when I’d just said I need to meet someone else.

And this is it folks. This is what my head does with every text, look, comment, touch, embrace.. Silence.

5 thoughts on “Still thinking…

  1. Yeah… It’s in our heads. And if it takes so much energy, it’s really not a good thing. But you know that. The problem is that it still doesn’t stop, even with the knowledge. The thing is, no matter what he wants, the situation is draining YOU. No matter what the reason for his weird and unclear behaviour is, the effect on you is the same. If you communicate your side clearly and then walk away, leaving all options open for him, you’ve done your part. If he finds the guts to come after you if he wants you, he will. If not, you have not lost anything. It all sounds so easy and clear in writing. I have not discovered the magic pill for making it simple and clear in reality yet 😦

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    1. You’re so right. I have tried that though about two years ago, told him that we clearly weren’t right and we should just be friends. But then I always felt I didn’t say everything out of fear. And he shows me attention and I’m back there. Probably, I need to avoid him.

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      1. Hmm… That’s not quite what I mean. I mean you should be very clear about what you want, so that he can then decide whether he wants that too. I realise that he should know already – but well, us women are not the only ones who think in circles. If you have been unmistakably clear about what you want (and nothing less), he will also have a clear choice to make. I’d put it something like this: “I want a, b and c with you. I see you in this and that role in my life. If this is also along the lines of what you want, you know where to find me. If you don’t, I’d be grateful if you could let me know that as soon as possible. But I want to be very clear – I don’t want anything less.”

        And then leave it at that. Go for walks, do some embroidery work, meet with friends, throw yourself into your role as a mother and your professional role at work – but leave him be. When he does knock on your door, only accept an answer to your open question (when he is sober). No playing around and testing whether you really mean it. You do mean it, and that’s that. It’s either honesty and commitment, it honesty and the end of the story.

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      2. This is very scarily accurate. I’ve never been 100% honest with him, maybe out of fear. The reality is, he disappears anyway. We flit into each others lives, knowing we both feel something but unable or unwilling to do anything about it. I can’t go on like this – it’s been years – and I think the only way of sorting this is to do as you said. I’ve realised that I’ve actually got nothing to lose. Thank you xxxx

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