He didn’t reply to my message all night. Didn’t look at either, as far as I can tell. Of course, I can see the bulk of a WhatsApp message through the alert so maybe he saw it and ignored it. Maybe he did want to come round and see me…
After a long and busy day at work (tha nk goodness because that means I’ve been occupied) I check my phone to see that he messaged at 8.21am apologising that he had only just seen the message. He said he was off work today and asked what time I was home.
Was this a good sign? I was probably just thinking far too much into it as usual. I checked the time and said I would be home in half an hour.
The reply was relatively swift: he’d be around soon to collect but it would be a flying visit as he was looking after his nephews.
So he didn’t want to see me then. Or maybe he really couldn’t-it was late after all. I decide either way to remove the torture out of it and offered to drop his stuff off on my way to pick up the kids. He thanked me.
Because I’m back in Looneyville, I call home and pick up his stuff but not before I’ve sprayed deodorant, perfume and eaten a mint. Just in case. Almost impossible, but just in case.
Should I tell him I’m free this weekend? Invite him round? I want that kiss again, those soft lips on mine. Even without that, I just want to be with him. I’ll tell him it’s just as friends – if he even asks – but I can always hope for more. I’m good at that. No, I won’t ask. I will sound too desperate. Maybe he will ask what I’m doing. Still hoping.
I arrive at the house, feeling sick, and walk to the door to find it ajar. His Dad is there doing some work. I hand over the item with all the usual pleasantries and leave. I notice his car isn’t there. Maybe he wasn’t in. Maybe he was actually babysitting.
Maybe I’m never going to learn my lesson. Maybe the only way I will ever get over him is to find his replacement. So what if it took me thirty odd years and a failed marriage to find him? So what if I’ve tried to get over him before by dating other people and it didn’t work?
What other choice have I got?