Dating dilemmas

The situation with Second continues to develop positively.

We message every day and his texts are becoming more and more affectionate. We are both looking forward to our date, which is still a very long six weeks away.

However, he is back in the UK from Sunday, which means we will be back to phonecalls and some decent video chat time before he flies to his homeland to see his parents for Christmas.

Of course that, plus some tangible changes in Wild Card’s behaviour this week (more on this later) has sent my anxiety rocketing. So what do I do? I go back on Hinge.

Within a few hours I was messaging four men. I think they sum up Internet dating pretty succinctly:

1) Absolutely 100% perfect body man messages me. I’m confused – erm, why are you going for the chubbilicious mother of three? Because he wasn’t 39 and probably wasn’t the 29 he owned up to. I would guess he was early 20s. And despite his repeated protestations that I was ‘sexy’ and why should age matter if he’s interested, he was definitely a no go. Even if he had the body of a God.

2) Cute looking, age appropriate divorcee. Funny, complimentary. Great. Until he admitted that he had too much baggage for anything serious. Next.

3) Age appropriate funny guy. Trying too hard to the extent he wasn’t funny. Sorry, but no thanks. Please don’t call me ‘presh’.

4) Local guy. Seems nice. Some pictures are cute, some are not. Seems normal. Asks me out on a date, on Sunday, after a couple of hours of texting intermittently. Really? Apparently so. And in my anxiety driven state I agree.

I’ve been worrying about it since. Yes, I want to go on an actual date. I still haven’t been on an actual date. But I feel bad on Second, and I kind of feel bad for the guy. I’d be going on a date to help me not fall for the man I’ve been messaging every day for seven weeks and won’t see for another six. I’m not sure even modern dating rules would be OK with that.

In regards to Wild Card…. Well, he’s got family over which has been keeping him busy. That’s his reasoning. Video chats have been short. One time he said he would call back and then didn’t (sincere apology the next day when I pointed that out). The longer ones have been later at night and he has started to fall asleep whilst talking to me (again, he has apologised the next day). Whilst romantic me quite liked the fact that he was clearly trying to find time to speak to me, up to the point where he couldn’t keep his eyes open AND watching him fall asleep was second best only to actually lying there with him…. His attention has been different. Last night I questioned him on it, and he said he wasn’t different he had just been busy. So, is it anxious me or are things slowing down? Probably a bit of both.

He still questions my feelings for him and I’ve no doubt that me questioning his own has put ‘a spanner in the works’. We both appear to be struggling with the honesty and integrity of each other. Easy to understand considering the distance and cultural divide.

When it’s good though, it’s really good. We laugh and joke and talking to him face to face, even behind a camera lens, shows facial expressions that cannot be faked.

I really don’t know where to go with this one. I can accept that the addition of family this week has put a strain on his time and energy, so maybe I do need to trust him a little more.

Tonight he called me and we chatted for about 20 minutes. Amongst other things, he asked again about the possibility of me visiting him. He then had to go for a family dinner and said he would call back. I’m still waiting, and it is unlikely to happen now as I know that this is around the time he goes to sleep. 😒 Are my expectations too high? He was genuinely apologetic last time it happened but…. I don’t know. Am I that easy to forget to call, or even text to say he’s tired and will call tomorrow? Culturally, his family come first – research has shown me that. I get that even without knowing that.

Last time, I sent him a message saying he hadn’t called me back. He messaged me super early in the morning apologising and when he video chatted later that day had asked if I was angry with him. This time, I’m going to do nothing. No texts in complaint or even just to say hello and see what happens.

He probably, like me, has someone else. I’d be a hypocrite to think otherwise or to be critical about that.


And, he’s just called. He hadn’t gone to sleep, although he was in bed. We had a really sincere, deep conversation.

Back to square one.

And I’m cancelling Sunday’s date.


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