Pink flag

Yes pink, not quite red yet.

I’ve had another good few days of video chats with Wild Card. Everything appears to have returned to form and we had a good, heartfelt chat the other day.

And then there was today.

He called me late morning and we spoke and laughed for about half an hour before he went off to have lunch.

A couple of hours later he called again and I propped him up on my dresser as I got ready to go out. I’d told him previously about my busy day today – an afternoon with family for an early Christmas get together to put up decorations; then a Christmas themed evening at my friend’s house. He’d joked that there would be no time for him.

He watched me get ready and joked that I could be spending the afternoon with him. I promised him I’d call before I left for my friend’s.

I got home around six and had half an hour to sort myself out and then give him a call before leaving at 6.30pm. I eventually called around 6.15 but there as no answer.

I sent him a text saying I’d tried to call but was about to leave. At 6.25 he called back.

I shouldn’t have answered really – I should have been getting into the car. But of course I did, because I wanted to see him before I left.

He was a little quiet and asked about my afternoon. I told him, then said I was about to go out which he then questioned. Why was I going out again, so late? Being super conscious of his culture and half knowing the answer, I asked him whether it was unusual for women to go out so late in his country.

The answer was pretty much yes. Whilst they may go out for a coffee or shopping, evening outings were reserved for couples – romantic meals out. To be fair to him, in all the time that I’ve spoken to him, I’ve only know him to go out in the evening when his family were visiting last week. He doesn’t go out in the evenings other than that.

I told him that, as I did not have a man in my life, I would spend my evenings with my friends. That didn’t go down well, in hindsight.

He asked me not to go and to stay with him. I thought he was joking at first – it’s not the first time I’ve been out in the evening whilst talking to him, and whilst he’s always questioned who I’m with, he’s never reacted negatively and I’ve always seen that as playful banter rather than anything else.

Apparently not.

I soon realised he was not joking. He asked me to rearrange – to see them next weekend, or in the day. He wasn’t happy I was driving so far, so late. He kept saying he wanted me to be with him.

I said no, and that I was going. Part of me still thought he was joking – he does say things just to get a reaction from me sometimes , only to break into a cheeky grin moments later.

I told him I had to go and asked what time was he going to bed as I would speak to him later. He told me he wasn’t going to bed, which was odd.

He again asked me not to go and I again said I was. He then said ‘fine’ and looked miserable. I asked him why he was sad, to which he replied.. ‘sure I will not be sad, my girlfriend is going on a romantic date with another man. I won’t be sad.’

Woahhh.

I immediately questioned the girlfriend comment. In hindsight, I don’t know why I’m surprised. In his culture, they apparently don’t multiple date but they very much have the opinion that us Brits do.

I then questioned his trust of me.

Of course I’m being a complete hypocrite. He acted exactly how I feel when he doesn’t answer or when he was out with family last week. I regularly wonder who he’s with and who he’s speaking to. I can’t just blame his culture (although it has something to do with it) as I have felt exactly the same.

It appears that he is feeling as insecure as me.

I find this so strange. To me, he is one of the most handsome men I’ve ever met. I’m memorised by him. He’s funny and sweet and intelligent. Part of my insecurity is that I can’t understand what he sees in me. I can’t believe he hasn’t got other girls on the go because I know how attractive he is. Why would he risk everything on me – an online date, or apparently, girlfriend.

But pieces are adding up to suggest he feels the same. When I told him he was ‘hot’ yesterday, he seemed genuinely surprised and said ‘no’ and that I was, not him. There was no smile of acknowledgement or pride or embarrassment, just a genuine surprise that I thought that.

Back to today…. I told him he should trust me and that I would call him later.

Yeah. I’ve asked him to trust me even though I am talking to someone else. That does not feel good, I can tell you. I try to justify myself by thinking that I haven’t physically met anyone so what does it matter: I’m telling the truth when I say I’m not meeting another man. It does matter though, doesn’t it?

I drove to my friend’s and enjoyed catching up for an hour. Of course, the conversation turned to my dating and I filled them in on Wild Card and Second.

My friend suggested I initiated video chat with Wild Card and so I tried, twice. Both times he was on the phone. (yes, I did assume he was talking with another woman, angry with me)

I eventually sent a text saying that I had tried and that my friends wanted to meet him.

Ten excruciating minutes later, he called.

The video chat was brief but he immediately started to apologise. He said hello, animatedly, to my friends and then I cut the call short saying I would message him later.

I text immediately after I’d put the phone down, to say that he should trust me and that I would text when I got home.

He replied that we could talk tomorrow as he was going to bed. (!). Being more true to form and guessing that he was now more relaxed about the situation, I said goodnight. I tried not to think that he was doing anything else.

What a mess.

I can’t criticise him for feeling exactly how I feel.

Our differing cultures do play a part in this.

I am actually lying to him. If he is completely innocent in all this, then what does that make me?

I need to further explore and consider the girlfriend comment.

I will be interested to see what happens today. We are going to have to talk about it, that’s for sure.

6 thoughts on “Pink flag

  1. Red Flag!!! Cultural differences with men are dangerous. Don’t be mesmerized by his looks….please!!! Be rational. Hes going to attempt to control you if that’s his culture or religious belief.

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    1. You could be right. The fact that I feel the same about him, without those cultural stipulations makes me more understanding. However. I’m far too independent and stubborn for this to change my lifestyle and it will probably end whatever this is very shortly. I’ve got a work’s Christmas party next week….

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  2. Lots of red flags, and not even about the cultural differences! He referred to you as his girlfriend yet you’ve never even met?

    And then you were late meeting friends and modified your plans whole with your friends (by calling him) to appease his jealousy.

    This dynamic seems toxic and, again, you haven’t even met. Be careful!

    Liked by 1 person

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