Swings and roundabouts

This post was written last night.

And the drama continues…

Wild Card… There are times when the cultural divide feels like a gaping chasm. But I want to learn and so does he.

Tonight we laughed solid for half an hour. That felt amazing. He takes delight in making me laugh, I can see it in his eyes. I’ve talked more with his family too, who seem lovely and respectable. More and more, I’ve realised that meeting up is the only way to know what this really is – and I’m not sure when that can happen either. I am starting to look in the new year. That gives another month before I book for things to become clearer and to either consolidate what we have or prove what we haven’t.

As perhaps was obvious, Second’s attentions have renewed. Yesterday he phoned and video chatted and said that he had considered moving our date forward to this week. In the end, we both agreed that he had too much on with his new house.

Tonight we have talked on the phone for well over an hour. There was flirting, of course there was, but there was also conversation about important parts of our lives: supporting one another, giving advice. It was really lovely. The language barrier with Wild Card makes this sort of conversation more difficult but we have had some chats like this.

Wild Card is more open about his feelings and perhaps more gentlemanly in his conduct. His contact has been much more consistent and I can see, visually, how he feels.

Second is easier to talk to in some respects. Having been married and already having children means there are more similarities between us. But I still don’t know how emotionally available he is and I feel that his mentioning me meeting other men is his way of telling me that. I know he’s interested but I don’t know what for, if that makes sense.

I suppose that I still feel the next few weeks will make or break us. There will be a greater distance there over Christmas. He’s either going to miss me or not, and vice versa.

I’ve tried to follow advice of friends and family and remain on Hinge. I’m talking to a few prospects and have been asked out on a date again but my heart isn’t in it.

Aren’t I stupid?

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