What if

Life is a perpetual struggle for balance, isn’t it?

Yesterday I spoke with a friend and colleague about my complicated online dating life. It’s always interesting to hear a different perspective. Sometimes, knowing someone and their background can help you perceive why they may feel that way and give that advice. In the case of my friend, I was really surprised at her thoughts about the situation. She felt I should carry on as I was for now, but that meeting them, cautiously, was the only way to truly know.

I’ve booked flights to see Wild Card.

They’re not until the end of February. I’ve chosen a time when I can comfortably travel and when the prices were good. It’s enough in advance that I feel like I have plenty of time to continue to get to know him but also to see what may change now he knows I am actually going.

Worst case scenario is that something changes and I don’t go, losing the money. I can actually cope with that.

However even if I don’t meet him at that point, there’s nothing to stop me just going on holiday anyway.  Quite a few people said they would like to go with me… I’ve booked: if they join, they join. Accommodation is relatively cheap and absolutely beautiful. He has shown me enough of his world for me to be intrigued by this beautiful place.

But I’m not deceiving you. At this moment in time, I want to meet him. Then, we will either get on well or we won’t. I feel like after all this time, I would like to know for sure.

I’ve read a lot now around his culture. I found blogs from women not dissimilar to me who are now in a happy relationship. I’ve also found blogs of the opposite.

I know what some of you are thinking. Some of my friends think this too. But how is traveling to meet him any different from Second travelling to meet me? None of us truly know each other. For all Second knows, I could be a psycho bitch.

I refuse to be prejudiced by his culture and the stereotypes of him that my own culture perpetuates. Wild Card is a man and I am a woman. He wants to meet me, I want to meet him. We have spoken to each other’s family. We have seen each other’s homes. He has started, more and more, to include me in the traditions of his family, propping me up to be part of it. I don’t believe he is a bad man. I can’t get to know him properly without meeting him.

However… If I do go with the sole purpose of meeting him, precautions will be taken. I’m not entirely stupid. I’ve found plenty of information and suggestions on protecting myself. I’m still in the hope that I will have some company but I won’t be the first solo traveller, so where’s the problem?

But what about Second?? A few of my friends have asked about him, wondering how I can book flights when I’m due to meet him a month before.

I haven’t met him yet either! I’m not going to put all my hopes into one man, one complicated situation. We may never meet – he’s warned me frequently that there will be much less time for chatting when he goes home on Monday. A lot can happen in a month.

Second has red flags too, possibly more because they’re based upon his words and actions rather than a cultural stereotype. We may meet and not get on either. There are no guarantees that either of us will want to meet again.

I believe in taking chances – amazing things can happen when you do. And I never want to live a ‘what if’ life. That’s no fun for anyone.