Teetering

I think my anxiety may have won out over my gut. Not often that your anxiety is a good thing.

After I had posted I sent him a quick message saying I was worried about him. Within minutes he was calling.

He seemed more like himself but at the same time I could see that it was a show. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong but said that he had just needed some alone time. When I told him I was worried about him, he asked me why and then said ‘good’. I said, “so it’s good I was worried about you?” and he said yes. Maybe he is more insecure than he lets on.

When the conversation became a little stilted, I said I would go but then he got me talking again… His way of not letting me off the phone – I’ve noticed he has used this tactic before. We then had a half decent conversation, some joking, and he was laughing which was good. Perhaps I do cheer him up in my own way. Although, it’s mainly at my expense, I’ve discovered. He loves teasing me.

I brought up my visit and asked what we will be doing. He asked me what I want to do. I said that I wanted to be with him. Luckily, that’s what he wants too, apparently.

At the end of the conversation he said we would be talk tomorrow and I said ‘maybe’, in my own teasing way. He was quite surprised I said maybe, and hastily asked ‘why maybe’ and I told him I was joking. It may have not been the intended response but it was a welcome one for me.

So, in summary… Clearly he hasn’t had a good couple of days. He’s not willing to tell me why, just yet. If it was me, maybe I’ve done enough to reassure him again. I felt reasonably comfortable by the end of the conversation. He’s not trying to paint a picture of domestic bliss. Today felt very real – he has his ups and downs and was honest enough to admit that, although he wouldn’t say what had caused it.

I said it yesterday, but, we just need to meet now. That’s what we both need and then we will both know.

2 thoughts on “Teetering

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