It’s one minute past midnight. Today I am going to meet Wild Card.
Just one night’s sleep – if I can – and one day’s travel and I will be there.
What I can also tell you, is that there hasn’t been one emotion I haven’t felt today, I swear.
I can’t believe it’s here. I can’t believe I’m going. I can’t believe I will be finally near him.
I’m scared, excited, nervous, happy, anticipatory, guilty, embarrassed, annoyed…
When I drove out of work at 4pm, I basically said ‘oh my god’ repeatedly as I drove down the road. Over and over again. My close friend, the ‘Second’ fan, barely brought it upon herself to wish me a nice trip. She hasn’t asked me about him for weeks and I haven’t offered information. She’s been pretty down since her own ‘LDR’ (if it even was that) ended and then has had other personal issues. Yet I was annoyed that she didn’t seem to care at all about it enough to ask. Ah well.
Storm Dennis is apparently on his way. I’m not going to be happy if it delays what will always be a long day of travel. I’m trying not to think about it – there will be nothing I can do.
This morning I ummed and ahhed a it messaging first. He had already wished me Happy Valentines yesterday but I wanted to see what he would do without my intervention. But again, knowing I was busy this morning, I decided that I should message first.
His response was really sweet – he sent me a valentines ‘card’ of sorts which has a picture of us both on. I thought that was a lovely gesture and I wasnt expecting it.
A few hours later, and unsolicited, he sent his full name, address and phone number over as he knows my sisters are a little concerned at my trip. He also asked for the flight details again and it felt good – he was preparing for me. Thinking about me.
Aware that my sisters were visiting later, I called him when I got home from work. Surprisingly, after the positive day he was a little quiet. Then I found out he was ill and hadn’t slept all night so it made sense. Despite that, there were a couple of times when I saw ‘that’ smile although it appeared like he was trying not to.
He called again a little later on when my sisters were there and showed a little of his own insecurity again, asking if they were telling me not to go. He asked me if I was ready and I said yes. He then told me to spend my night with my sisters and kids. He asked me for a kiss, as usual, but then we both just looked at each other and giggled nervously. I guess that we had both thought the same thing: tomorrow we can do this in person.