Confirmations

It’s been a whirlwind few days.

Saturday night I reeped the reward of my scheming, and karma came to bite my on the ass. I was going out with my sisters and because of the way I was dressed etc, Wild Card was convinced I was meeting someone else. This prompted me, in frustration, to ask him to clarify what we were to each other. I got my answer, he got his reassurance. When we discussed it all the next day, he said it was normal for us both to feel some jealousy at this stage. I feel jealous too so I can’t disagree with him.

Sunday was met with multiple calls again, including some with his parents who looked genuinely pleased to see me. We both had plans with our family but I received a message late on asking if I missed him. I told him that ‘my mind, my body, my heart and my soul’ missed him to which he replied ‘I’m happy’. He called when he got home and, I kid you not, he had me laughing for the full one hour 40 minute conversation. I could see it in his face – he was happy because I was happy.

Monday’s conversations took a more serious turn.

I’m not sure how it happened but we ended up discussing our future together.

He reacted to my concerns with passion and reassurance, telling me how much he loved and wanted me and that we would be together. It wasn’t just his words but the way he said it, his determination to prove it to me, that finally reassured me.

He admitted some of his own concerns about our situation though. Strangely, it made me feel better in some ways because it felt more real. It is natural for him to be thinking these things.

It was a difficult conversation but it needed to be had. We are both committed to trying this and so that is what we will do. We hope to confirm my next visit at the end of this week and then I will book my flights.

Whilst more reassured, my anxieties are ever present. I’ve come to accept them too.

Last night’s (second) call of an hour and a half was beautiful. He danced to the music I was playing, looked at me the way I loved. We talked about our first kiss. He told me that he knew things about me that I didn’t know about myself, but wouldn’t elaborate on it.

At one point the talking stopped but when I said I would go he didn’t want me to. So, we ‘lay together’, looking at each other, until both of our eyes fell for sleep.

If I hadn’t been lying downstairs I probably would have continued to ‘sleep’ with him but in the end I was forced to say goodnight.

I’m happy, content. I feel loved and feel love in return. I know I am a big part of his life now – his actions show this.

So why am I waking at 3am in the morning?

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