Jealousy, part two.

Today was a relatively good day. He called me and actually talked to me about his problems at work, telling me his concerns and worries and asking what I thought. I felt like his girlfriend today. He shared – in detail for once- and I listened. Maybe my super long panic-stricken morning text did the job after all.

But then he talked about the ‘friend’ who wants to give him a job. He told me he met her on Facebook a while ago but they are just friends and that she has told him she can get him a job working with her. I bet she can. He decided to tell me today that they have met two or three times in the past. And he thinks she wants more from him. Well, duh, that’s obvious. She’s 24 so a better age for him than I am.

My cheeks flushed with jealousy as he told me. He didn’t tell me to purposefully make me jealous – I know when he is playing that little game, and it is very much a game when he does it. He told me as he wants to be open and honest and wanted my opinion on the job – I know, because he has a particular face and tone of voice that he uses when he is being open and honest. Though, I won’t deny, the knowledge of that ‘friend’ has simmered a little today though.

So I processed it. I thought about the hours and hours of calls. Every. Single. Day. (Except the One That Shall Never Be Discussed. ) I thought about how he spent a week with me and he was rarely on the phone, if at all. No girl would put up with that.

I thought about his care and his love. And even his own jealousy. His making me a part of his every day routine. The fact that I know his family. The fact that he broke goodness knows how many cultural and religious rules to be with me.

And then I considered that even if he is talking with someone else, there is nothing I can do about it. I can only be myself, love him, and hope that I win out or the truth comes out and I move on. Worrying about it can only harm. And why tell me about her if there was something going on?

And then I thought about the call itself. The way he was looking at me. I kept asked him ‘what’, but he wouldn’t tell me. It wasn’t that look but there was something and I wasn’t quite sure…

Until the conversation made an unexpected cheeky turn. A blatent game of shocking flirtation. A discussion of our sexual encounters and a physical reaction from him which proved how he was feeling.

So, when he called again later, my jealousy was in check. Sure I may have brought up the girls in as subtle a way as I could, which I know he caught on to without it being confrontational (no tears, woo hoo!).

And I know he loves me. When my insecurity is in check, I see it blatently and overtly, right before my eyes. Sure, it may not be in the same way as I tell him. But it’s there. Like, how he won’t end the call sometimes if he thinks I’m not ready to – he’ll restart the conversation. The amount of times he checks if I’m OK. The way he makes me laugh. His unique way of telling me he loves me. His voice dip when he actually says it at the end of the call. The way he sends a me a kiss, so sincerely and intense. I know he loves me.

So, until I know otherwise, that is enough.

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