The calm after the storm

I can only hope that the ‘jealousy’ incident a few days ago and our conversation about it has made us stronger. It certainly appears that way.

I don’t know whether it is me or him but things have shifted again but for the better.

Since my own self reflection and processing, I’ve tried really hard to be positive and to stop my anxious thoughts in their tracks. I’ve definitely felt happier, if you can in these weird circumstances across the world, and have tried to smile more and laugh more. Any time something has happened which starts an anxious and jealous ruminating, I’ve repeated my mantra in my head or re-read my own post. It’s working so far.

As you know, I rarely believe that coincidences are coincidental… A couple of nights ago, whilst I was trying to process all this, I received a private message on Facebook. It was from a man that I have ‘befriended’ through a group we both follow. He is his 60s so I’m guessing he is not after anything romantic (!?) but rather that he is lonely. He’s from Germany so the conversation was a little stilted as we both referred to online translators. We talked about this and that – our dogs, Coronavirus etc etc. But then he commented on my profile picture. He said that I was a pretty woman with a beautiful smile and that I should smile more. I was a little taken aback. I wondered whether this was translation gone wrong. I questioned him a little more – he apologised for his directness and has since done so again – but said that my pictures had contained less smiling recently. The next day he apologised again for his directness. He’s told me that he has a brain tumour and so no longer feels the need to guard what he says as much. Sure, there are a few alarm bells ringing here and I’m thinking he’s just a lonely man needing some online community in this challenging time, rather than someone mercenary.

But even if he isn’t, his comments made me reflect on myself in the past few weeks. I do need to smile more. Even when there isn’t much to smile about. And so I have: I’ve pushed away the smile-crushing negatives as best I can and therefore have been/appeared/felt happier.

And either because of that, or because we talked about it, Wild Card has seemed more affectionate. I’m still getting the same amount of time and calls but more verbal affection – a few little compliments subtly given and many more ‘I love you’s. He is still being his cheeky and teasing self but I wouldn’t want it any other way – we appear to have the right balance at the moment. Long may it continue.


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