The conversation started simple enough. He was on his daily walk and as usual he asked me what the news was. I told him that my sister had been to see a solicitor about her divorce. This led to a conversation about the laws in our respective countries and how different they are.
As the conversation developed we ended up talking about his brothers and their wives which led to him telling me that both brothers had wanted to leave his country and were unlikelyto ever return. They were unhappy with the life they had and were open to a more European life.
You can perhaps guess what happened next. I couldn’t help myself and when I asked, he laughed because he knew I would ask.
So I asked: “and what about you?” he told me that he isn’t like his brothers – he likes his country and he has had opportunities there. He wasn’t desperate to leave like they were. So then I asked him what this meant for me and him. This is where he laughed.
But then he was sincere and serious for once. He told me that he thought about it every day and that he hadn’t made a decision yet, he wasn’t ready. I didn’t know what to think, I didn’t know what to feel -shock probably -and yet I guess I kind of knew it too.
He of course saw my concern and worry and reassured me. He told me that i know he loves me and that he wants a future with me. I’m with him now now that he serious with me. But he’s just not ready.
Not ready for what? This is the part I don’t understand. Not ready to propose? Not ready to commit? (and yeah, he said he has committed to me because we’re in a serious relationship). He reminded me that his family know we are in a serious relationship. So how how can you be so sure you love somebody and want to be with them but say I’m not ready?
He talked about having to start again if he came to my country and he doesn’t want to do that, he likes his job where he is and does not like the idea of relying on me. He likes the weather in his country and jokes that he couldn’t stand the cold here. He also talked about his parents, about the fact that he is the last one there and that there isn’t a daughter to look after them.
Being honest it was only when my sister pointed out out that that I would feel similar in his situation that I really thought about it. He’s absolutely right to need to think. He’d be leaving a life that he’s created, leaving his family in order to go to a country he doesn’t know, and a culture that’s completely different to his. It pains me to say it, but it’s true.
Do I feel any better? I don’t know. He’s justified in not being sure. We’ve spent one week physically in each other’s company. All I really wanted to know was that we were possible, he’s considering it, he loves me enough to consider it. I think I got my answer for that. And whilst the thought that his brothers may be married Europeans in order to to escape their country, I suppose I can be sure that that’s not his plan.