Better news

Nope, I’m still not wanted. I have a lovely letter offering me a way out.

In contrast to yesterday’s self pity, today I was determined to feel better.

I woke at 5am (my sleep is awful at the moment) and after letting the dog out, made myself a coffee and completed an online application I had half-heartedly started. I showered, actually put make up on- just a little to hide the dark circles – and took my children to school.

When I came back it was still too early to speak to Wildcard, so I forced myself to clean up the house. Up until today, I’ve mainly ignored the housework. And lay in bed. And cried. But no, today I tidied and cleaned.

I had a long and productive talk with my union rep who is confident that we can lodge a grievance. They’re not following correct procedures but they will know that. I think they hoped that I was weak and would just roll over. Sensitive and emotional, yes. Weak, no.

I can’t go back. I know that. But there needs to be enough of a settlement for me to be able to recover from this shock and sort my life out. What they have offered so far, whilst unsurprising, is just not good enough. Particularly for ten years of my blood sweat, tears and sanity.

After making some lunch I went to pick up my new laptop. I guess school will want theirs back soon enough when the settlement is finished – and I at least need one to apply for jobs. If my new niche tutoring business takes off – well, I will definitely need it. I’m trying to be positive.

And talking of positive, the application that I sent this morning at 6am? I have a video interview! I have some time to prepare which is good. It is a different industry, but one I have worked in before. My leadership ‘skills’ (apparently I don’t have any) are transferable. It is worth a shot, just to get me back in the swing of applying and interviews.

I feel some relief that the union are helping me. The advisor is an ex-head teacher- honest, explains well. Huh, the kind of Headteacher I would have liked as a boss. Oh well.

So, for now, I have two – four weeks off. The doctor signed me off. Not sleeping, panic attacks and chronic crying will do that for you. It gives me, and the union, some time to write the grievance.

It feels weird, of course. I know it gives me some time to breathe and think and plan. But my full pay won’t last forever and I need to find another job.

I’ve booked two online courses. One is how to set up a small business. I don’t known if I have the confidence – or the funds- to pull it off, but I will try.

This time of year, so close to teachers’ resignation date there are very few jobs. And I don’t know whether I even want to walk straight back into a school. I may have to consider supply, but I probably won’t make enough money. First job tomorrow on my shiny new laptop is to work out how much I can trim off my budget.

So. I’m not a hysterical mess today. I still have a job but not for long. And I have np idea what I am going to do with my life. What fun.

2 thoughts on “Better news

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