Should I stay, or should I go?

This post is full of staying and goings. But please stay until the end and please leave your thoughts too. I like reading others’ perspective.

To be honest though, you can’t beat Mumslovelife for advice. She always knows what to say and it always makes sense.

Take yesterday. After my somewhat melancholy post… Sleeping Beauty.

… I stayed in bed. I slept. My head was heavy and weary. It’s more that I had to rather than wanted to. I awoke just before one and only minutes to spare before Wildcard called me.

“No” wasn’t an acceptable answer. Neither was “nothing”, “I’m ok” or “I don’t feel like talking about it”.

I told him most of it was to do with work. Today was the day of initial settlement discussions. I’ve been at that school for 11 years and up until two months ago, have been successful and praised. I’m being forced out and I haven’t done anything wrong. His words of wisdom set me straight as always. He gave me my options, boosted my confident and made me feel more positive.

Which kind of makes me feel a little guilty for the next part. But only a little. I admitted I was a little upset with him too. I told him how happy I had been when the borders had opened and how excited I was to come. Yet he didn’t seem bothered and acted like nothing had happened.

He pointed out that it is not in his personality to get excited like that – which is true. He told me he wants me to come every day but he is just worried. His dad has told his brothers not to come yet. He is worried about curfews, variants and his Government’s often rapid and last minute changes. He reiterated that it is my home. I can come when I want but I need to do my research and be careful. “If you want to come, come.”

“But I want you to tell me you want me to come.”

“You know I want you to come, every time. But I want it to be easy for you, with no problems.”

We discussed maybe a quick trip sooner and then a longer one in August when he can have holidays and we can travel.

So do I…

Stay because he is still worried at the moment or Go because we both want to see each other?

Stay because I’m officially off sick or Go because this is the best medicine I could have?

Stay because my settlement isn’t sorted or Go because hey, they don’t want me anyway, my union is sorting it and I can still be at the end of the phone?

Stay because I’ve let myself go a little in my depressive state or Go because he should love me anyway?

Stay until I know this Delta variant isn’t going to cause problems or Go because I can get over there – 4 flights – for £75 and I am not going to miss work even if I am stranded a little.

Stay because my kids will miss me if I get stranded or Go because they are in school now anyway and I will have more time with them now than I ever have?

What are your thoughts??

Following our call, I finally was contacted by my union rep who told me that the academy CEO doesn’t want to give me my contractual pay and doesn’t want me back – there is no place for me at the school. So, even if my leadership wasn’t good enough (no complaints so far) my teaching isn’t. Thanks for that. I’m sure the countless kids and parents that have said otherwise are wrong and my good exam results are deceiving.

It was a slap in the face but a good one. There was a very small part of me that wondered if I had overreacted, maybe I just needed a little support to get me back on the ball etc etc. Nope. She wants me gone. I’m not part of her plan for whatever reason. And now, considering her treatment of me, I don’t want to work there anyway.

So, taking Mumslovelife’s excellent advice, I made myself go for a walk and had a little jog midway which killed my hip but was something. At 6 this morning I went out with the dog again for 40 minutes and had two small jogs. Still ouch, but this was after a 15 minute yoga session which had helped a little.

So that’s me. I’m showered, feeling OK, but still none the wiser about going or staying. Oh and I would also be there for his birthday too.

All comments below considered. And I am vaccinated twice by the way. And I will be responsible.

3 thoughts on “Should I stay, or should I go?

  1. I’m flattered 🥰 thank you so much!
    First of all, the job situation: I think one of your sentences it’s particularly important: “I’m not part of her plan”. That’s exactly how businesses work. You can be doing everything right and well, but management had different plans, or simply wants a different set of personalities around. Being fired in a situation like that says nothing at all about you, and all the communication you’re getting from the school is confirming just that.

    Next, The Visit: I would go (without knowing your destination – so I don’t have all the facts!), for a short one, as suggested. But I think there is one general thing you should answer for yourself, which is this: how much are you willing to give, selflessly, without expecting anything in return? This seems like an odd and out of context question, but I’ve come across this causing imbalance and later resentment in couples too often. If you are sure that you want to go, and you want to take on the work of preparing, organising the time you’re away for your kids, making sure you are safe, making sure you can be available for whatever the work situation might still throw your way, without expecting that he will recognise your effort and dedication, go for it. If you are expecting something on his side, such as excitement, help preparing, or anything, tell him and make sure he’s committed to doing his part. The reason I’m mentioning this is the but about him not being excited, and your getting upset because you expected him to share your excitement about potentially being able to see each other. You will be building up to this visit emotionally, and if he isn’t, you’re heading for disappointment.
    The only other reason I think is worthy of convincing you not to go is, is his dad asking his brothers not to come. If I understood correctly, he lives with his parents, or at least in close proximity and shared daily routines. You might be putting Wildcard in a difficult situation by making him ignore his father’s wishes regarding family visits (which includes you, they have made that one clear). He’ll feel that as an adult, he would have to welcome you at any time, regardless of his father – not doing so will upset you, (him), and might make you question his loyality to you. However, not heeding his father’s wishes will cause family trouble, which might transform into relationship trouble with you too, further down the line. I would talk about this point to completely understand where Wildcard stands, and what his thoughts are, before making a final decision.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, thank you! I’ve come to terms with the work situation I think: there is nothing more I can do. The more I think about it, the more I agree I’m just not part of her vision for whatever reason. I’ve always wanted my own business so now is the time.
      I know henis worrying about everything. I also agree that he doesn’t want to upset me and I don’t want to upset his father either. I think it is good advice to ask him again from that perspective.
      My plan is to speak to my union man tomorrow and mention my idea of going to stay with friends. Depending upon what he says, I will then broach it with Wildcard. All being well, I could be going in a week. If not, well, more time to tone up, glow up and look fab

      Liked by 1 person

    2. So, I’ve asked him. He has said that he is happy for me to come if I want. He said he has told his parents and all they have said is that I need to look into everything first. I told him I don’t want to make problems and he said there aren’t any.

      Liked by 1 person

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