Day 3 – rituals and routines

At 2.30am, Wildcard came into my room. Neither of us could sleep. We talked and kissed and cuddled then he left to go to sleep. I didn’t want him to go, but it is respectful that he did.

Again, I struggled to sleep last night. Wildcard lives on a busy road and there were very few moments of no traffic. Then the dogs started barking and cats yowling…. you get the picture.

I eventually must have slept and woke at 7. I wrapped his presents, blew up some balloons, washed and brushed my teeth. Then, like the first time I was here, put on my headphones and listened to music to wait for him.

He had a sad face when he walked through the door. He was tired and was due for work. He kissed me good morning and we cuddled a while. He then opened his presents. More kisses, more cuddles then he went to work.

I missed him the instant he left.

I washed, dressed and applied make up then fell back to sleep, waking only at 12. Wildcard has gone to a city for work so will not be home until later. I feel oddly comfortable in his home, but I wish he was here.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Don’t know, but they are a genius

It is now early evening. Wildcard came home around 5 and the elation that ran through my body when I saw him was, well, unlike anything.

As is typical of me, because I can’t allow myself to enjoy anything, I spent the afternoon missing him like crazy and wondering what he was thinking. Was he happier now I was there? Not only from a safety perspective but also a personal one? Were his feelings as strong as mine? Because I honestly didn’t believe they could get much stronger – but I was, yet again, wrong.

I’m currently sat in his room. He is really tired, and whilst every cell in my body is magnetised to his, he can’t seem to sleep with me next to him on the sofa. Not sure whether to take that as a compliment or not. I’ve found myself just wanting to touch him every time I’m near him. And, to be fair, I think it is similar with him. He lay his head on the cushion next to me, and it slid to rest on my arm. Or he will stroke my arm, hair etc.

But, I’m being selfless and letting him have sleep. Aren’t I a good girl?

I was in the middle of writing this when Wildcard’s mother called me. Throughout the day she has been showing me some traditional cooking. It was now time to complete and decorate his birthday cake.

I had so much fun and we were laughing- me her assistant and her the chef. Her English is much better than I – and probably he – thought, definitely in terms of understanding.

For the first time, Wildcard had a birthday cake. His Mum and Dad changed their clothes and we even sat at the entertaining table (as an aside, we sat at this table for the whole of my first visit. Now I sit at the family table and I am absolutely honoured ❤). We took loads of photos and I am just happy. His mum saved the candles and he told me it is for next year which means even more. It suggests it a new routine, and one that includes me.

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