So, what life do I want? Who do I want to be?
Is this a midlife crisis – is that what it is? Or is this normal?
Let me take you back 5 years.
In 2016 I was 36 years old. My youngest child was 2. I was still married and my Dad was still alive. I had been promoted to Assistant Headteacher a year before and a new Headteacher was just starting at my school, bring anticipation for good things to come. But…
I was very, very unhappy in my marriage and had been since we had got back together. By the end of October we would have separated for good. My Dad was ill. We knew that we were lucky he was still with us but didn’t know how long we would have with him. Work held promise but was a very negative place. Soon, I would have a burnout from the pressure and stress of my life.
A lot can change in five years. Unexpected things happen. Planned things don’t happen. So much is out of our control but then a lot is in our control, but we don’t realise until it is too late.
In my first 40 years, what did I achieve?
I’m proud of my education and career and how hard I worked.
I’m happy that I was able to support my parents financially
I’m happy about the wonderful home I have and have given my children.
I’m proud of myself for being brave and getting out of an unhappy marriage and surviving.
I’m happy I finally managed to lose weight and keep some off.
I’m proud that I was able to look after my Dad and be there for my sisters.
I’m proud that I was brave enough to look for love again.
I’m proud that I have travelled, and even more so that I have travelled alone.
But what have I not achieved? What dreams and goals and aspirations are outstanding? What have I always wanted to do but not managed? In 40 years time, what do I want my achievements to be?
In five years time, where and who do I want to be?
Time to think.