Just so you know, I hate that word. With an absolute soul shuddering passion.
It's a word some people use to dismiss other's feelings and make them feel weak and unworthy. It tells them that they should be stronger, not show their emotions. It hints that you're being perceived as lesser, broken.
I really don't know if this is just British culture - stiff upper lip, you know what I am talking about - this idea that we should all be built with some innate iron strength to cope when life really is the pits.
Resilience is relative though, isn't it?
Someone losing their job with a bank full of savings and a spouse on a decent income is different to a single parent losing their job up to their eyes in debt. And yet, both will feel the strain in their own way, relative to their situation. Therefore, telling someone to be 'resilient' really annoys me. You, on your high horse...you have no idea how that person feels it's not your life, your context, its theirs. Just because you can cope in those set of circumstances but in your context, doesn't mean they can.
Show them love. Show them care and empathy. Give them a little strength to find their own path to survival. Don't tell them to be resilient.
I saw my cousin last night (his wife is who I’d taken the pot rose to a few days ago). He told me I was brave for what I had done in leaving my career. “Or stupid,” I replied.
“No.” He said. “You’d have been stupid to carry on, feeling like that.”
*****
It’s another beautiful autumnal day. Golden leaves are falling now. I’m sat outside in a short sleeved t shirt and whilst I’m not warm, I’m liking the slight chill to the breeze that’s rustling the leaves.
My mind was full of Amy last night. I didn’t know her well – knew her little son more who played with my son and niece and nephew – but knew her enough to say hello and stop and chat. I looked at her Facebook page and saw pictures of her happy little family and the gratitude she had for them.
Thinking about that little family’s loss now, things get put in perspective.
So what if I actually shampooed my carpet, only for it to go smelly, leading me to cover it in bicarb (Internet hack) which won’t vacuum up so I now have a cow patterned carpet?
So what if I left a job that left me soul broken? So what if I don’t have spare cash anymore? I have my life and my kids and my family and my Wildcard.
There’s so many clichés to say here….life is short, you only live once, you could die tomorrow.
Clichés are almost as bad as the word ‘resilience’. They are poignant and important but deemed irrelevant by over or improper use.
I’ve had a very lucky life, compared to some. I’ve had a difficult life compared to others.
What I do know is I’ve spent a large part of it unhappy when I didn’t need to. Either because my head was stuck in the negative or I failed to change my life when I should have. No more.
Life is short but…
Life is beautiful. Life is Love.
If you let it be.
Starting from the Middle 