After my last post, the CBT got to work and I decided to do two short tasks to make me feel better.  I sulkily washed the dishes by hand then tidied the garden. My treat was to sit in the garden with my well-thumbed copy of the best novel in the world, Pride and Prejudice […]

I don’t know why

I’m feeling a bit low and irritable today. Considering this is the first official day of my holiday, you’d think I would be in a better mood.  I have no idea what is wrong. Sure, I could list a few things that are irritating me at the moment but there is nothing major. I suppose […]


OK, as I’m sure that anyone who has been reading my blog has realised, I’m not over Lost Soul. At all. Maybe a little bit. Certainly better than I was four years ago. But not as much as I was two months ago.  I’m trying, I am really, really trying- I promise you. But I […]

I woke up thinking of you this morning. The dream lingered as I floated into consciousness. Then, awake, my mind reached back into memory and played with the last time I saw you.  My body was still,  yet a riot of emotions overwhelmed me.  Excitement as I remembered your touch, your love.  Sadness as I […]

On the cusp

In exactly 15 hours, my summer holiday begins.  I am absolutely and thoroughly exhausted. In the past year I have supported my dad through cancer and radiotherapy, separated from my husband, got a promotion and have suffered from anxiety and depression. I have worked full time and have looked after my three children and my […]


Believe it or not, depression is not one emotion. It is a rollercoaster of emotions that leave you feeling out of control. Most of the time, you have no real understanding of why you feel that way. That then adds a huge dollop of hopelessness on top to weigh you down further.  Emptiness is the […]


If a man who chose to spend his time with me, who kissed me, who told me I was beautiful, who made me feel something I had never felt before and admitted he felt the same..  If this man doesn’t want me, what chance do I have if ever finding someone special who will? 

The maze and the box

One of the most important qualities a person can have is the ability to listen.  Today, over a beautiful coffee and a decadent scone, I told my friend about what had occurred yesterday with Lost Soul. She listened. I spoke.  I manoeuvred myself through the maze that is my thoughts of Lost Soul. There were […]


As expected, I have seen Lost Soul again. I knew it would be a matter of time.  Today was my daughter’s thirteenth birthday. Scary. That’s all I will say.  Part way through he turned up. Yes, there had been an issue last night at my sister’s house where they had a little get-together (I wasn’t […]


Memories are such a powerful thing. I would expect, perhaps even without realising it, it is one of the main reasons we write a blog. We are recording our thoughts and opinions at specific moments in our life – memories  that otherwise could disappear into history never to be thought of again. Just think about […]