Guilt

I had my second counselling session today. There is not enough time to write down all that we spoke about but a couple of things resonated with me which I would like to share. The first was acceptance that my life is challenging and that it probably will be for the foreseeable future. And whilst […]

Time

My depression/breakdown, or whatever else you want to call it, is plodding on. I’m getting some ok days and so fewer bad days now. I need to sit and rev myself up to do anything, but it’s a start. Sleep is causing an issue though. Strangely, increasing the dose has not helped me fall asleep […]

Frozen.

Bad day today. My kids’ dad was off today so offered to take them to school. So, I woke up and got the kids up then when I heard his car, went back to bed. I woke a couple of times but despite an intention to get up, fell back to sleep. It was 11.30 […]

Everyone and no-one

Interestingly, last night I ached to be touched. Considering my default position in the last week has very much been that I want to hibernate away from the world, this was unexpected. As I lay in bed, I wanted to feel the warmth of someone beside me. I wanted the feel of their skin on […]

Family

I’ve been off work since Monday. After the torent of tears and anxiety, I have felt somewhere south of numb ever since. Low. At different points in the week – before emailing work perhaps or before I walked to the counsellor’s door – there would be a surge of anxiety that bubbled from my solar […]

The dark.

The curtains fell down a while ago. After many attempts at trying to fix it, I gave up: deciding instead to let the light of the morning wake me naturally (until I get round to getting someone into fix it). Tonight there is a cold glow to the sky which makes the branches of nearby […]

Parenting highs and lows

What a week! Work has been tough. I don’t know if there have been actually scientific studies on how changes in temperature and light affect children or maybe how the anticipation of Christmas plays a part, but goodness me… Work has been tough. Monday night was a guilty but well needed change to the routine. […]

Just a speck

Just your insignificance ever hit you? As in, you could be doing something – probably something mundane – and you realise how tiny and unimportant you are. How you are just one of a million people doing exactly the same thing. Take today. Today I was travelling home from Liverpool on the train. I don’t […]

One year on.

A year today I started this blog. Madness. At first I was pretty proud of myself for posting for a whole year, but then I realised it was more than that. This blog has got me through some really tough times this year. It’s been a friend, a sounding post, a crutch. Without a shadow […]

Fighting on

Although my own blogging may have slowed, I enjoy catching up on followed posts most days. Some of you out there are experiencing a life I can’t even begin to imagine: be it through exciting dates or travelling or photography or experimental cooking. I always find it sad when someone stops blogging for a while. […]