Green Goddess

I read a blog recently which spoke of the benefits of being outdoors- in particular, walking through the forest: forest therapy. It’s been so long since my friend and I had been on one of our adventures. We were both mourning the loss without knowing it…we had both had periods of depression and/or anxiety in the last few months, we had not been as focused on our health and our friendship had suffered.

Finally, on Tuesday, we made our way over to Yorkshire to visit Ingleton Falls. What followed was a long, strenuous walk around some amazing scenery.

It was exhilaratingly exhausting. At one point my legs would not go any further and I found myself hating my weight and my lack of fitness. I stopped, caught my breath, and started again.

By the end I was so proud of myself. It is described as a ‘strenuous’ walk. I did this with poor fitness and being overweight – that’s something to be proud of. It is a truly beautiful place and I strongly recommend it to anyone visiting the beautiful north of England.

Wednesday, as fate would have it, we were off again and this time back to Llandudno and the Great Orme. We found our favourite spot and ate our sandwiches gazing out at Conwy and Anglesey.

I love it there. Conwy is my favourite Welsh town and castle. Whenever I go I feel at ‘home’ somehow. For more professional photographs, I strongly recommend that you look at The Perimeter on WordPress and this very talented photographer’s pictures:

https://theperimeter.uk/2017/06/05/clwyd-print-collection/

The Orme is windy and beautiful and I feel alive when I am there. I feel like I have purpose and meaning. Exercise and nature have a way of making you realise how lucky you truly are.. To be able to walk and see and hear and feel.

With a renewed vigour, I am determined to keep up the walking and get this weight off once and for all.

Yesterday I went to buy my new tent! I’ve bought a family sized Vango Nadina and we had great fun putting this up last night. It is huge! We are off camping again next week and I can’t wait. I’m looking forward to being outdoors with my family and my friends in my new big green tent.

Tricks

Just a quick report..

I am at camp whilst the others have gone to the stage for the last song of a great band.

I can report that Lost Soul is up to his old tricks:

Talking about other women – check

Reminiscing about the past – check

Reminding me about times we were intimate – check

Purposeful talking about things I like – check

Reminiscing about books we both read and shared in the past – check

I am in dangerous territory but then I remember, I’m too old for these games and they only lead to heartbreak. Don’t go there!

Camping continued…

A chilly but enjoyable evening was had in site at the festival. Lost Soul did not appear. ☺

Therefore I was able to relax and enjoy my strawberry and cloudy lemonade gin and have a laugh with my sisters and brother in law.

I am sat in the sunshine, coffee in hand, listening to the wailing of a guitar and enjoying nursing my delicate head.

Lost soul is on the way. I had a conversation with him on the phone before – I was the only one free to speak to him – and it was business as usual. The chat was friendly and I feel better. The paper bag is waiting though. 🤓

Camping

I’ve just come back from a two night camp with my three children and three other families – my two sisters and their children and another family which are friends.

The Great British weather did not fail us. We drove up to Grange over Sands in Cumbria expecting rain but in sunshine. We managed to pitch our three tents and party gazebo in summer showers.

Our second day was met with heavy rain and our party gazebo was its first victim. Yesterday morning, my sister and I woke up to wet clothes and managed to bucket out far too much water from one end of our tent.

But we also had evenings under the stars toasting marshmallows. We made bacon sandwiches amongst the wasp storms and ate the best sticky toffee cake that Cumbria has to offer.

So, all in all, we had a great time:we made he best of the situation and had fun.

I’ve now got to apply the same principle to this weekend.

It’s my sister’s birthday and she has invited me and our other sister to go camping (yes, again) at a local music festival.

I’ve only just managed to wash and dry the soggy, smelly mess that was the clothes and blankets from our Cumbria trip.

But that’s not the issue.

Lost Soul has been invited.

I don’t want to see him. I can’t believe thats what I’m saying but it’s true. My inner control freak is very much like wanting to be heard in this situation – being in his company does me no good, no matter how charming or otherwise he is being. I will spend the time until he arrives in nervous anticipation and sheer disappointment in myself for feeling that way.

I will then spend the time whilst he is there trying to work out what his game is and how I should react to it.

So in summary, a weekend of overthinking.

But No! I refuse to let him ruin my weekend on camping, music and family be ruined. I’m going to make the most of it. I’m going to have fun.

Any tips to offer? They will be gratefully received.

I don’t know why

I’m feeling a bit low and irritable today. Considering this is the first official day of my holiday, you’d think I would be in a better mood. 

I have no idea what is wrong. Sure, I could list a few things that are irritating me at the moment but there is nothing major. I suppose the little things could be weighing me down collectively. I don’t know. 

I wanted to write today. This post wasn’t what I wanted to write but this is what I had to write. Writing has always helped me. 

Today, I was awoken early by my three year old. Then I faced numerous dishes because my dishwasher is broke. That is really irritating. I’ve worked out I’ve had it five years and it is used a couple of times a day. Do I get it fixed or do I just replace? 

Such a little thing, isn’t it? And yet when you’re on your own, silly little things like this are a big slap in the face because they highlight all too clearly that you’re alone. 

You don’t want to hear about my broken dishwasher. I’m pretty sure my sisters aren’t too interested either. But it would have been something discussed over dinner with my husband. 

Of course in reality, I’d have spoken, he’d have barely looked up from his phone/football magazine and I’d have got angry that we hadn’t seen each other all day and yet he couldn’t be bothered listening to me. In the end, I’d have realised that there was no point trying to talk about the dishwasher as he wasn’t interested. So I may as well do what I want anyway. 

Companionship can’t be overrated though. Just as I want someone who takes my breath away and makes me feel all warm inside when I see them, I also want someone who is quite happy to discuss my broken dishwasher because they know it will make me feel better. 

The start of the holiday… And I feel lonely. I’d love to be looking forward to an evening cuddling up to the man I love tonight. I’d love to be chatting about the holiday and what we are going to do.  I’m not missing my ex – I don’t want it to be him. I’m missing the ‘someone’, whoever he is, that I want to share my life with. 

So, in leiu of this sexy man who is going to listen to every word I say with the utmost care and attention, I will tell you

Tomorrow is a trip to Costco and then my sister, brother-in-law and beautiful niece are coming for their tea. Wednesday I’m going shopping with my younger sister to buy camping gear ready for next week. 

Thursday and Friday I am planning a full clean of my children’s bedrooms and a trip out somewhere child-orientated. 

Next week is camping which hopefully will be fun and not 72 hours of arguing children and sleepless nights and rain. 

Thanks for listening. ☺