A year today I started this blog. Madness. At first I was pretty proud of myself for posting for a whole year, but then I realised it was more than that.
This blog has got me through some really tough times this year. It’s been a friend, a sounding post, a crutch.
Without a shadow of a doubt, on my second and final separation from my husband a year ago, I felt the absence of utter misery and stress would leave me feeling a lot happier. Surprisingly, it didn’t.
My circumstances are a lot different from the first time. I’m older (obviously), have three children (not two), and a more demanding and high pressured job.
I’ve found my separated life to be quite lonely. I’ve gone through dark clouds of depression to euphoric bliss and the boredom of monotony in between:
Dates – nope.
Rooms redecorated – half (don’t ask).
New hobbies – one.
Weight lost – none.
Evaluation of creation of new life? Poor.
But (and there is always a but)..
I HAVE MADE IT!
I have been a single parent to three gorgeous but highly demanding children whilst holding down a career and attempting to keep my house from looking (and smelling) like a dump.
So my advice to you, ‘newly separated and hopeful’ is:
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to make big changes. Let the dust settle.
Accept that it will take a while for the dust to settle.
Don’t think that the big hole left (however desired) by your ex leaving/getting kicked out is going to be filled with love and wonder and happiness. Not at first anyway. You need to explore every inch of that crater to process what happened: how you feel about it and what you truly want now your dream of night long sex with [insert sexy movie star here] is no longer needed to get you through the pain of a dissolving marriage.
Be kind to yourself. You are going to emote in ways you didn’t know possible. You may even miss him a little. Doesn’t mean you want him back or that you should backtrack on your decision, necessarily. It’s OK to mourn what once was and what could have been.
Give yourself the gift of time. Go out with the girls. Get out in the fresh air whenever you can. Laugh, cook, dance. You don’t need a replacement to make you happy.
Take stock of your achievements regularly. This is a big change to your life. It’s not easy to go it alone.
Don’t be afraid of asking for or accepting help. It doesn’t make you weak. Just reminds you that you are not Wonder Woman. (More’s the pity).
Don’t settle for mediocrity. You’re better than that. You deserve more than that. There’s no rush – get it right this time.
Thank you to all the people who have read my blog and the two special ladies who regularly comment. It is always appreciated. 😊
Here’ s to Year 2 and all that may bring.