Well-meaning people are beginning to get on my nerves.
“It is meant to be”
“It is a fresh start”
“A chance to try something new”
“A chance to do what you really want”
Here is the thing:
I’ve not just potentially lost my job. I’ve lost so much more:
Faith in myself
Trust in myself and others
My sense of achievement
Everything I have worked hard for
Who I am.
I’m not beautiful. I’m not slim or sexy. I’m not intelligent. But I was successful. I worked hard and I made it.
And now it is lost. I’m lost. Because I don’t know who I am without it. Or if I will ever have the strength again to find something else.
I know it has been a while. Sorry about that.
For a while, things just stayed the same. Work. Housework. Children. Videochats with Wildcard. Borders still closed.
Then I had some news. The bad kind. The sort that you don’t really expect.
Long story short – so unlike me – is I am going to lose my job.
Apparently, although I have been highly successful with positive feedback, pay progression and promotions year on year….apparently now I am crap. And need to go on to capability.
I have done nothing but cry for 5 days, so don’t be fooled by my flippant tone. I’m destroyed, betrayed and very lonely.
My union is on the case but…we both agree that I am clearly not wanted. The pressure is being put on to get me to leave.
Tomorrow I will not go into work.
I don’t know if I will ever go in again.
That is my news.
Oh, and the borders are still shut.