Lost

Well-meaning people are beginning to get on my nerves.

“It is meant to be”

“It is a fresh start”

“A chance to try something new”

“A chance to do what you really want”

Here is the thing:

I’ve not just potentially lost my job. I’ve lost so much more:

Faith in myself

Trust in myself and others

Pride

My sense of achievement

Everything I have worked hard for

Who I am.

I’m not beautiful. I’m not slim or sexy. I’m not intelligent. But I was successful. I worked hard and I made it.

And now it is lost. I’m lost. Because I don’t know who I am without it. Or if I will ever have the strength again to find something else.

New/s

I know it has been a while. Sorry about that.

For a while, things just stayed the same. Work. Housework. Children. Videochats with Wildcard. Borders still closed.

Then I had some news. The bad kind. The sort that you don’t really expect.

Long story short – so unlike me – is I am going to lose my job.

Apparently, although I have been highly successful with positive feedback, pay progression and promotions year on year….apparently now I am crap. And need to go on to capability.

I have done nothing but cry for 5 days, so don’t be fooled by my flippant tone. I’m destroyed, betrayed and very lonely.

My union is on the case but…we both agree that I am clearly not wanted. The pressure is being put on to get me to leave.

Tomorrow I will not go into work.

I don’t know if I will ever go in again.

That is my news.

Oh, and the borders are still shut.