I woke up thinking of you this morning. The dream lingered as I floated into consciousness. Then, awake, my mind reached back into memory and played with the last time I saw you.
My body was still, yet a riot of emotions overwhelmed me.
Excitement as I remembered your touch, your love.
Sadness as I realised I would never feel your touch again.
Panic as I considered my actions that day. Did I show you how I felt? Did I chase you away?
No matter how I try, I can’t seem to get over you. You linger in my dreams and taunt me from afar.
Memories are such a powerful thing. I would expect, perhaps even without realising it, it is one of the main reasons we write a blog. We are recording our thoughts and opinions at specific moments in our life – memories that otherwise could disappear into history never to be thought of again. Just think about how many minutes you have lived today and how many of them you will never remember again.
There are certain memories that I love to immerse myself in. By that, I don’t just mean thinking about them as I’m hoovering or washing dishes or something. I’m talking about focusing clearly on every part of the memory that I can. I suppose in some way it is a form of meditation or relaxation.
First of all, I need to be lying down somewhere comfortable and quiet. And then, I think very carefully about where it began. It’s almost like flicking through a photo album: my mind searches through to find the true beginning.
Then it starts. I play the memory in my head, crafting each moment and sound, each feeling and sensation. Sometimes my mind might wander a little as I process something that occurs to me or perhaps I’ll realise that I have missed something. At that point, I may make myself go back to the beginning.
At the end, I pause to relish in the happiness of the memory. That is key, of course, they must be happy memories. Occasionally I fall asleep but that’s OK – it’s what my body needs at that point. (Plus, I often don’t realise that’s what has happened until I wake up!)
I find this truly relaxing. I come out of the immersion feeling calmer and happier. I know that with mindfulness at the forefront, we should not dwell on the past. But for me, somehow, immersing myself in a time that made me happy makes me appreciate what I have had and what I may have again someday.
Hopefully, this will help someone else out there. ☺