I don’t know why

I’m feeling a bit low and irritable today. Considering this is the first official day of my holiday, you’d think I would be in a better mood. 

I have no idea what is wrong. Sure, I could list a few things that are irritating me at the moment but there is nothing major. I suppose the little things could be weighing me down collectively. I don’t know. 

I wanted to write today. This post wasn’t what I wanted to write but this is what I had to write. Writing has always helped me. 

Today, I was awoken early by my three year old. Then I faced numerous dishes because my dishwasher is broke. That is really irritating. I’ve worked out I’ve had it five years and it is used a couple of times a day. Do I get it fixed or do I just replace? 

Such a little thing, isn’t it? And yet when you’re on your own, silly little things like this are a big slap in the face because they highlight all too clearly that you’re alone. 

You don’t want to hear about my broken dishwasher. I’m pretty sure my sisters aren’t too interested either. But it would have been something discussed over dinner with my husband. 

Of course in reality, I’d have spoken, he’d have barely looked up from his phone/football magazine and I’d have got angry that we hadn’t seen each other all day and yet he couldn’t be bothered listening to me. In the end, I’d have realised that there was no point trying to talk about the dishwasher as he wasn’t interested. So I may as well do what I want anyway. 

Companionship can’t be overrated though. Just as I want someone who takes my breath away and makes me feel all warm inside when I see them, I also want someone who is quite happy to discuss my broken dishwasher because they know it will make me feel better. 

The start of the holiday… And I feel lonely. I’d love to be looking forward to an evening cuddling up to the man I love tonight. I’d love to be chatting about the holiday and what we are going to do.  I’m not missing my ex – I don’t want it to be him. I’m missing the ‘someone’, whoever he is, that I want to share my life with. 

So, in leiu of this sexy man who is going to listen to every word I say with the utmost care and attention, I will tell you

Tomorrow is a trip to Costco and then my sister, brother-in-law and beautiful niece are coming for their tea. Wednesday I’m going shopping with my younger sister to buy camping gear ready for next week. 

Thursday and Friday I am planning a full clean of my children’s bedrooms and a trip out somewhere child-orientated. 

Next week is camping which hopefully will be fun and not 72 hours of arguing children and sleepless nights and rain. 

Thanks for listening. ☺