Just for a moment

Headlights full on,

I drive alone in the dark.

And for a moment,

Just for a moment,

I could imagine you there.

The way you would be sat,

the clothes you would wear.

The smile on your face,

the words you would say.

For a moment,

Just for a moment,

Everything was OK.

Then with a stab to the heart,

The memory went away,

And I was driving alone,

Alone in the dark.

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Soundless house –

I creep down the stairs,

carefully, carefully.

Outside, the wind howls and rains harass:

inside is quiet, calm.

Curtains open: the dreary day

threatens to invade,

rain rivulets distorting the dismal grey.

But inside, inside, the glow of the fire and the warmth of the coffee fight back.

And then a sound.

Small feet descending the stairs,

the door opens, the face smiles,

always excited by the promise of a new day.

Like a burst of sunshine, the dreary day is cast away.

See me

I’m here.

Can you see me?

Right before your eyes I stand.

Look at me.

See past the disappointments of imperfection and

See me.

See my heart which beats for you.

See my soul which longs for you.

See me, who loves you.

Could that be enough?

I have a heart to give and it is yours.

And in receiving it you will become whole.

You will never be alone. You will never be unloved.

See me and see love.

See my eyes light with fire when you’re around.

See my soul lift through the weight of the day when you’re near.

See my heart swell with hope and love and happiness because you’re with me.

See me, love me.

I see you.

I see your imperfections.

I see your fear and your hopes:

I see your dreams.

I see a face that I love, a body I crave and a soul I miss.

I see you. See me. See love.

Strong.

I can be strong.

I can resist.

I can remember the lessons of the past

And refuse the pull of a fictional future.

I can admire from afar

But keep my distance.

I can harden my heart to possibilities

That were never possible –

apart from within my heart.

I can focus on the truth..

The truth I’ve learned the hard way, every time.

His heart connects to mine;

Our minds are so alike;

We inspire the greatest within each other; but,

We will not be together.

Learn.

Take heed.

Live.

Dad

He walks in shadow

amongst the trees, the plants,

along the grass, the paths.

His memory hammers nails

into old wood and carves

beauty from the raw.

His sounds echo around

this house, this home,

awakening pain but fueling

love.

This home was him, is him

and although he’s no longer

here, his shadow and light

and love, remain.

Crush

You’ve awoken feelings in my head and body,

Feelings long forgotten.

Feelings I questioned had even existed.

My mind has floated on daydreams all day;

Imagining the impossible.

Although it is you that has awoken this sleeping entity within me,

and you that I fantasise about as my mind wanders pleasurably,

It’s the incredulity that I can still feel this, think this, imagine this

About anyone

That’s the most astounding aspect of this…

Crush.

https://startingfromthemiddleblog.wordpress.com/2018/11/09/possibilities/

Today

Today, my heart aches.

A knot, a pull, a pain –

My head resists

but the knowledge will not be buried

today.

Today you are gone.

The truth has simmered,

and boiled and now overflows

in hot tears of disbelief.

Today I cry but

I miss you

Every

Day.

Hope

I’ve got to nothing to say.

Nothing to give.

No answers.

No insights.

None.

So,

Each day,

Each and every day,

I’m going to try to live my life

With love in my heart

Light in my eyes

And hope that life can be good.

Fallen

Your stone-

Like fallen soldiers,

Lost heroes-

Lies in dismay:

Dislodged from home

And yet sitting in your shadow.

Others, raped,

Nestle against grey stones walls

Or prop up metal fences.

Trees – now friendly neighbours who

Keep you company as the wind blows

Through abandoned doorways –

Once pulled you apart

As roots invaded the smallest crevasses.

Where are your knight’s of old?

Your visiting kings

And benevolent ladies?

Where are your roaring fires,

And woven tapestries –

Your life blood and homely solace?

Poor Pendragon,

Gazing out over heath and heather,

Embraces each curious tourist

With its bewitching charm.

You lose

Tonight I’ve sobbed over

Unknown faces

Or faceless names. 

Tributes – so heartfelt 

And world-weary – that

Can never explain 

The pain 

The torture

Of inexplicable loss. 

And amongst the empathy

And the tears, 

A growing fear – 

Cancerous

Dangerous – 

Invades the mind 

And life as we know it. 

. . . . . . . We can’t let them win. 

So I hug my loved ones a little longer, 

Smile at strangers a little sweeter, 

And celebrate diversity a little louder. 

You do not win with death. 

You lose.  

Because love lives on

 in life

And in death. 

You lose.