Magic – 25th April 2020 (daily prompt)

Magic exists.
Magic is love.
Love has the power
to transform,
to appear
And disappear.
Love has the power
to create life
and even
to take it
away.
Love can break and make
a heart.
Love has the power
to add sparkle
in the eyes of
those who are loved.
Love inspires
belief in the
possible.
It feeds hope
And cures
Sadness.
Love creates power
and energy,
stronger than
any other force.
Yes, love is magic,
And magic, is
Love.

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Elixir – 24th April, 2020 (daily prompt)

Elixir – a magical potion with life giving or renewing properties.

Cool green grass under bare feet on a summer’s day.

The first sip of ice cold water/good coffee/a full bodied red wine/freshly squeezed orange juice

A morning hug from your children

The rustle of autumn leaves.

The look in your lover’s eyes when you know they want you.

A snowflake drifting on to an outstretched hand.

That big, deep breath you take when you are surrounded by mountains, trees and lakes.

Warm sand underfoot and a cool salty breeze in your hair.

Kissing your lover.

Dark, rich chocolate melting on your tongue.

Clean sheets on your bed.

The anticipated ending in a wonderful book.

Laughter.

Simultaneous orgasms with your lover.

Acts of kindness.

Children giggling.

The scent of flowers on a summer’s eve.

The soft fur of a beloved pet.

Your child’s first words/steps/drawing

Note – 23rd April, 2020, (daily prompt)

I have written journals or diaries since my early teens. I have an obsession with notebooks.

Early on, I wrote in standard diaries but the lines were not big enough and the daily entry space not long enough. I have a few old exercise books which I turned into a diary, ripping out and destroying the few pages of school work before covering the book with a poster.

Later, in my early 20s, my notebook passion took full force. I can’t go into a stationers without buying one. TK Maxx is lethal.

The cover is important – of course. But so is the weight of the book in my hand, the feel and thickness of the pages and the size of the lines.

My journal writing is sporadic though. I don’t and never have written every day. I often write more in times of distress or when I am in love.

I write notes on my life.

I write diary style, poems, short stories. I write random thoughts, random words. I doodle, I draw. I plan, I reflect. I log, I consider. I work out my life. Work through my life.

Strangely, despite my love of physical journals, most of my writing now appears on here instead. I still have paper journals and write in them occasionally, but the majority of my writing is on here.

And so, dear reader, you are reading the notes of my life. 🤗

Three – 19th April, 2020

Three things I have learnt about life by the age of 40:

1. It is never too late to start looking after yourself. And when you do, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
2. Learning to put myself first sometimes was one of the hardest but most rewarding lessons I’ve had to learn, particularly not feeling guilty when I do it.
3. You have the life you have by choice. You choose who to love and how to live. You choose what to accept and what to change.

Three things that I have learnt about love by the age of 40:

1. At 40, you can love as passionately as a teenager and behave the same way.
2. There truly is someone out there who will light up your soul, challenge your thinking and make you grow, and know you better than you know yourself. Don’t settle.
3. Loving yourself is the most important love you will ever give and receive. It makes you a better person.

Three things I have learnt about happiness by the age of 40:

1. You are responsible for your own happiness, no one else. It is the choices you make, ever day.
2. Being content is not the same as being happy.
3. Do things that make you happy every day. Why not? The cleaning will be there again tomorrow.

A life lived without happiness is not a life lived.

On WordPress

I tend to come onto WordPress every couple of days to catch up on the few blogs I follow. I only follow a few blogs because I want to make sure I give your writing my full attention – I follow enough so that I have enough to read and enjoy. I’m not going to follow a blog that I don’t have the time to read – that just seems rude, as does the apparent practice of liking posts that haven’t even been read (does that really happen?!)

Of late though, there seems to be less and less on my blog feed. Today I worked through my ‘followed blog’ page on settings and realised that many of the blogs I follow have just stopped – that’s so sad! Sure, a couple have moved to Facebook or other platforms that I don’t use but many have just stopped, frozen in time on those last thoughts and posts.

So, I’m going to start adding some new blogs to my list over the next few days and it’s quite exciting. I love new reading material. 😊

As you can see, I’m still trying to ride the positivity train. I have a road trip that I need to write about but at the moment my mind is preoccupied with my dad who is ill again. Things are not looking good and I will post on this soon too.

Hope you are a having a restful and celebratory Easter with family and friends. Today, for me, is about celebrating being alive – about new beginnings, miracles, and the wonders of this world we live in. Enjoy. 😊

Fighting on

Although my own blogging may have slowed, I enjoy catching up on followed posts most days. Some of you out there are experiencing a life I can’t even begin to imagine: be it through exciting dates or travelling or photography or experimental cooking.

I always find it sad when someone stops blogging for a while. I feel an anticipation when I log in, wondering if the next installment will be there, and then disappointment when it isn’t.

I’ve lost my way with my own blogging. I started out wanting to chart how I was starting again: separated at the age of 37 and desperately wanting to live a fulfilled life.

First, depression hit me. Then, Lost Soul came back in my life and dominated so much of my thoughts, emotions and life. I’ve managed to wriggle free from that hold he had over me.

Since then, probably as I grieved the potentially perfect relationship that never was, my writing has reflected my ever changing emotions. Unfortunately it hasn’t demonstrated my journey to the life I want, mainly because I don’t feel like I am any closer to it.

But I will fight on and write on.

Talking of fighting on, it has been a difficult week. My dad ended up in hospital again with a severe chest infection- not good for a man who has survived lung cancer and has COPD.

We thought we were losing him on Thursday and he was not responding to treatment. Slowly though, he is starting to pull through. Confusion and hallucinations have followed but today as I visited him in hospital, he seemed more like a very weary version of himself.

His scan results have come back today too. As expected, his lungs are continuing to deteriorate. Not expected though, was that he has also had a little stroke.

I have lived with my dad for most of my life. I estimate about three years in total where I have lived away, before I bought and extended my childhood home.

It’s not easy sometimes. My dad is stubborn and is not too keen on change. He also doesn’t always tolerate my moods which is fair enough. On the whole though, we get on great.

I haven’t had a lot of patience with him though this last year. Fighting my own inner demons makes it hard to cope with someone else’s. My dad is naturally a pessimistic person and that can be hard to deal with day after day when you’re fighting to keep yourself positive.

He is a fantastic dad though. He has been there for me and my siblings whenever we need him. He is funny and caring and generous.

He tells us that we are his life and he is certainly the centre of ours.

I can’t wait for him to get home. I’m looking forward to hearing his grumblings because, you know what? He has earned them. He has survived cancer twice, three serious infections that have brushed with death and now a stroke. He is fighter.

Keep fighting daddy. Xx